No, You Can Not Drive This Pastor's Bentley

Ha. You big dumb idiot. Why would you even think that? Because your pastor with the magnificent layered chains and all-white suit who parks his golden Bentley at the alter every Sunday said it was for the church? Of which you are a part of? Do you understand how Jesus works at all? Have you ever even picked up a Bible? 

"No, no, no. This Bentley is for the church in a... grander sense. In a metaphorical sense. In the sense that... I don't fucking know. It's just for the church, damn it. Stop asking questions. It's my Bentley. It's gold. This is where I park it. No you can't drive it. Now let us pray."

God I love church. I love seeing what outrageous bullshit pastors can get away. The outrage in his voice when a member of his congregation had the audacity to ask if he could drive it. You think God would want that? In the name of Jesus? Please sir. That's preposterous. That'll be $1,000 in the 24-karat offering trey for even suggesting such a thing. 

Parking your gold Bentley at the alter to flex on your flock is so hilariously bold. It's such a blatant display of wealth right in the congregation's face that I can't even begrudge him for it. This pastor isn't trying to pretend he's not raking in money by speaking the gospel. He's not preaching under the guise of a being a "common man" just like you and me. If anything, he wants his people to think he's wealthier than he actually is. I can appreciate that level of transparency. 

What an idiot I am for ever spending $80 to see Bill Burr perform in a theatre when for the low price of one small offering, I could be watching this guy do an hour of comedy gold (literally) every Sunday morning. I should really start going to church again.