The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 5

Christian Petersen. Getty Images.

I think if we're being fair, Week 5 in the NFL was that one night years ago now when you went on such a sloppy, blurred bender it still haunts you thinking of the things that happened you still don't and never will remember. The opening slate was just a drunk mess of awful football / blowouts or both with balls even flying randomly at suspended TV cameras. It was bad. And when Spencer Rattler and Bryce Young lead game winning drives that's saying much more about who they played than it is them. And just imagine what Cardinals fans first thoughts this morning was. If they even chose to wake up to have one. 

Let's get to this. Here are your sad stats for Week 5.

Sad Stat #1: The Cardinals allowed Cam Ward to throw the ever so rare interceptdown

That's right. I'm calling this stat an interceptdown. And no. It's not the first time this has happened, although it might be the first time with zero fumble recovery return yards. This is straight up out of the Three Stooges. Here's my breakdown of it, fuck up by fuck up:

Ah, oh well. Still up a score late in the 4th. They should be fine. 

Here's the official play-by-play for the record:

So here's the stat on this one. This is just the third play I was able to lookup in which this happened. An interception, fumble, offensive touchdown. But the other two at least had return yards for the touchdown, sorry, interceptdown scorer:

Bucs / Colts (Week 5 2003)

Sad Stat #2: Joe Namath once threw 15 interceptions in his first five weeks of the 1975 season
Bet you didn't see that stat coming Jets fans. You knew something was coming. But probably not that. I was watching Geno Smith consistently complete passes to the other team Sunday, much like he did the week before and pretty much the entire season so far. Nine interceptions in the first five weeks of a season has to be somewhere up there in the record books, right?

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Not right. Very much not right. Nine comes in just 143rd place. Sometimes you forget how bad quarterbacking can be. But no one has more than Joe Namath's 15 in his later days with the Jets. This included an 0/6 TD/INT ratio in Week 5. That's actually impressive. You can't be someone like Geno Smith to throw five interceptions without a touchdown and get to step back on the field for a chance to throw a sixth. Well Joe Namath could. And he sure did. 

Sorry, Raiders fans. That should have really been your stat. Not the Jets. Let's make it up to you all. 

Sad Stat #3: Sad field goal alert!! The Raiders kicked a field goal down 40-3 in the 4th quarter

The only saving grace here is this was at least early on in the 4th. Shockingly, this didn't quite provide that spark, as this was the final scoring play of the game for either team. 

Sad Stat #4: All four teams in the AFC North have a negative point differential

Sad Stat #4: The Baltimore Ravens are below the Cincinnati Bengals in the AFC North standings

It's rare to have all teams in a division playing like dogshit with a negative point differentials after five weeks. This has never happened to the AFC North. I mean they have teams like the Ravens and Steelers who always hold it down. But when I noticed the Bengals are above the Ravens, I'd have been burying the lede here by not mentioning it. Of course, this is a bit misleading since the only Bengals wins came when Joe Burrow was playing. But this is sad state of affairs for Baltimore who have allowed a league-high 177 points. 

Sad Stat #5: Rhamandre Stevenson is making a push for all time fumbler

I don't know what's going on here. Stevenson must know something about Mike Vrabel. And I think at this point he might be doing this on purpose. We talked about how only great quarterbacks are allowed to still play after five interceptions in a game. Well, maybe Stevenson is better than we all think for continuing to get slack after repeatedly losing the ball. And when you watch him just lackadaisically hold the ball, inviting a punch out, it seems intended. 

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At one point in the game Sunday night, he had negative fantasy points for both his individual rushing plays and receiving plays. Just needed him to get in there and throw an interception. Yet there he was later - taking two in to the end zone. 

I still wonder if this fumble thing is intentional. Last year, this dude started the season with one fumble in each of the first four games. He would somehow not get benched for Week 5 where he ran 12 times for 89-yards and a touchdown. His reward? Inactive in Week 6.

Come to think of it, maybe he learned fumbling was what he was supposed to do from this. Or maybe he was just injured in Week 6, but I don't feel like looking it up to destroy my working theory. 

Anyway - with three fumbles through five games in 2025, he's on pace for 10.2 fumbles this season. Some work to do, but he's going for it. The record is 12 for any non-quarterback. Cleveland Gary did this in 1990 for the Rams. This was before they started logging fumbles lost though, so not sure how many of them he recovered himself. But Gary also did some good things. 14 touchdowns on the ground and another receiving on the season. All this makes the point that it's actually kind of a badge of respect to be able to fumble the ball as much as Stevenson does. I mean, Garrison Hearst also let 12 slip in 1995. That guy was a dog back in the day. Then again, not quite back in his Arizona days. He had a 1/12 touchdown/fumble ratio that season. Not great.

Honorable mention to the sad timeout. I forget now who called it. But a team up huge had first and ten with about a minute and change remaining and the losing team called their final timeout. You know. Just to see if that sparks something. So sad, I can't remember who did it. Whoever you were, please know you are quite forgettable. 

Back next week. 

@Stathole