Taylor Swift's "Actually Romantic" Is The Best Clap Back Diss Track Since Mariah Carey's "Obsessed" (Pray For All The BRATs Out There)
As far as I know, the only other song Taylor has that I would consider a true diss track of a person we know, is Thank you Aimee on TTPD. Swifties everywhere were shocked and delighted that Taylor seemed to be pushing reality to the forefront of her writing when that song was released, and now? We have something even better: Actually Romantic.
WARNING - I'm about to break my own Swiftie code and immediately assign this song to a real life "beef" that Taylor is rumored to have. I'm doing this because....um, its so fucking obvious? I'm truly not sure how to interpret this (fucking incredible) song other than it being a direct reference to the rumors/facts of Charli XCX talking mad shit on Taylor. A little background:
- Charli XCX toured WITH Taylor on the Reputation Stadium tour (you'd think she'd be grateful!)
- Charli is married to George of The 1975 (Matty Healy's bandmate)
- Charli wrote a song on BRAT called "Sympathy is a knife," with the following lyrics:
This one girl taps my insecurities
Don't know if it's real or if I'm spiraling
One voice tells me that they laugh
George says, "I'm just paranoid"
Says he just don't see it, he's so naive
I'm embarrassed to have it, but need the sympathy
'Cause I couldn't even be her if I tried
I'm opposite, I'm on the other side
I feel all these feelings I can't control
Oh no, don't know why
All this sympathy is just a knife
Why I can't even grit my teeth and lie?
I feel all these feelings I can't control
Oh no, don't know
Why I wanna buy a gun?
Why I wanna shoot myself?
Volatile at war with my dialogue
I'd say that there was a God if they could stop this
Wild voice tearing me apart
I'm so apprehensive now
Don't wanna see her backstage at my boyfriend's show
Fingers crossed behind my back, I hope they break up quick
All presumably about Taylor, who of course spent time backstage at 1975 shows while friends with/dating Matty. Weird song by Charli IMO but all of BRAT came off to me as "I'm an insecure mess and none of that is my fault," anyway. I don't think anyone expected this in, what seems to me, a clear response from Taylor on her new track Actually Romantic:
I heard you call me "Boring Barbie" when the coke's got you brave
High-fived my ex and then you said you're glad he ghosted me
Wrote me a song sayin' it makes you sick to see my face
Some people might be offended
But it's actually sweet
All the time you've spent on me
It's honestly wild
All the effort you've put in
It's actually romantic
I really gotta hand it to you, ooh
No man has ever loved me like you do
****Reminder, in the beginning of "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived" Taylor sings:
Was any of it true?
Gazing at me starry-eyed
In your Jehovah's Witness suit
Who the fuck was that guy?
You tried to buy some pills
From a friend of friends of mine
They just ghosted you
Now you know what it feels like
TSMWEL is rumored to be about Matty Healy, and this line directly references the fact he ghosted Taylor. Huh!
WHACK HER AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Hadn't thought of you in a long time
But you keep sending me funny valentines
And I know you think it comes off vicious
But it's precious, adorable
Like a toy chihuahua barking at me from a tiny purse
That's how much it hurts
How many times has your boyfriend said
"Why are we always talkin' 'bout her?"
ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!
You think I'm tacky, baby
Stop talking dirty to me
It sounded nasty, but it
Feels like you're flirting with me
I mind my business, God's my witness that I don't provoke it
It's kind of making me wet (Oh)
"But Kelly!!! Are you SUREEEE it's about them???" Yes. I'm sure. The graphic that plays on Spotify for this song? Taylor is holding an apple (famously Charli's hit single from BRAT.)
This also reminds me of Charli's album rollout for brat, which included a severed hand with friendship bracelets on it:
"But Kellyyyy friendship bracelets are RAVE CULTURE, Taylor Swift didn't INVENT THEM" Hahahah oh, Charli fans, you're sooooo blind. Give me a fucking break. Remember when people were chanting "Taylor Swift is dead" at Charli concerts and she did nothing about it, until it got so bad she had to address it? And then gave the most half ass slap on the wrist you could possibly give?
I remember.
So, yea, I think it's safe to say there's beef here, and Taylor's done playing nice. Fuck the brats, Fuck Matty Healy, and fuck their whole crew. Loser behavior through and through and I'm glad it hasn't gone unchecked. BTW - there's a now deleted comedy video by Veronika the new girl on SNL, where she pretended to "predict" how some of the new Taylor songs would sound. Not shade, just being funny. Gabriette (Matty Healy's fiance, besties with Charli) commented on it saying "Now do 'actually romantic." LOLLLLL!!!!!! So, either they all knew what was coming? Or they tried to clown her song titles only to get hit back in the face for being lame as fuck. Hilarious.
My last favorite dig? This photo of Taylor with a plate of spaghetti…..fork included:
Could she be shouting out Cheah's "Look What You Made Me Do Spaghetti" masterpiece? More likely, we're referencing the (gross and annoying) viral video of the Brats eating spaghetti with their hands:
I hope Taylor clocks every loser who ever thought they could get away with clowning on her from outside the club. You can't even get in, babes! xx
Check out our live album reaction on Taylor Watch!