IMPORTANT NEWS: We Have Ourselves a BRAND NEW "World's Longest Fingernails" Record Holder

There's a whole lot of bullshit Guinness World Records out there these days. It's honestly embarrassing how ridiculous the whole thing has become. There's a man named Ashrita Furman who's broke over 600 Guinness World Records in his life, and every record is something absurd like, "Longest Time Spinning Basketball on One Finger While Sitting on Top of a Refrigerator".  

So many non-practical things that nobody would ever think to try if they weren't intentionally doing so for the purpose of getting their name in a record book. There's a million records out there that any one of us could break right now if we wanted to. Simply combine a few of the most random things you can think of into one activity, do it for a few minutes, and you'll be the person who's done that thing the longest. 

"Longest Time Standing on 1-foot With a 60-Degree Wedge in One Hand While Wearing a Santa Hat" - Do that for a few minutes and you've got a record. Guinness probably won't acknowledge it, but when you look at some of the records they do acknowledge, you'll come to find that I'm only barely exaggerating how stupid some of them are. 

But if there's one group of world record holders that I do respect, it's elderly south Asian gentleman with disgustingly long and dirty fingernails. World's Longest Fingernails Guy is a Guinness Book of World Records staple. When I was a kid, I had a big purple Guinness World Record coffee table book that I'd flip through all the time. World's Longest Fingernails Guy is the #1 image from that book that is seared into my brain. I can't explain why. I can't say I have a valid reason for feeling this way. But I have immense respect the men and women in the long fingernail's game. 

And for the first time in years, the world has a brand new World's Longest Fingernails record holder in Vietnam's Lưu Công Huyền. Congratulations are in order for Mr. Huyền. A man who's story should be an inspiration to us all.

Guinness World Records – "These fingernails originally started because my father was a shaman," he said. "I wanted to become a teacher, so I grew them to look more majestic.

"But later, my father told me to forget about pursuing this profession, saying it's too troublesome and not worth it.

"So, I just kept growing them from then on and they just kept getting longer. In short, if I were to trim them off I'd feel really uncomfortable and exhausted, both mentally and physically."

I prefer to interpret that as, "I was going to become a teacher, but my father told me it was not worth it, so I pursed a career in long fingernails instead."

I don't think that was his exact thought process. According to Guinness, Mr. Huyền has a career as a painter (note his fingernails are covered in colorful paints). Apparently long fingernails are a sign of a wisdom in Vietnam. Which honestly, in a bizarre way, kinda makes perfect sense. When I look at Lưu Công Huyền and his nails, I think to myself, "I bet this guy's advice is sage as hell."

From what I'm reading (and watching), witnessing Mr. Huyền’s long fingernails in person is truly a sight to behold.

Guinness World Records – Mr Huyền’s record-breaking nails are truly a sight to behold.

New bucket list item unlocked. I can't believe I just wasted my honeymoon putzing around the Mediterranean when I could have had a life changing experience watching Lưu Công Huyền and his 19.5-foot nails zip around Nam Định on a moped.

Guinness World Records – We also saw him whizzing around the streets of Nam Định province on his moped.

I'm pleased to the see the world has a proper World's Longest Fingerails Guy once again. Before Lưu Công had his nails measured by Guinness, there was no official current living record holder. The last official record holder is dead. His name was Melvin Boothe. He lived in Pontiac, Michigan. I have utmost respect for Melvin. Before his long nails days, he served in the U.S. Army. And there are plenty of things I prefer to be American, but World's Longest Fingernails Guy is not one of them. I need my World's Longest Fingernails Guy living no further west than India, and ideally somewhere between the tropics.

Glad to see that Guinness is still recognizing SOME real, honest, deserving world record holders like Lưu Công Huyền. Keep up the good work, sir. Keep those hands held high.