Good News For Christians: Apparently The Rapture Is Tomorrow, Jesus Is Coming Back And We’re Outta Here. Bad News For Everybody Else: Doomsday Is Coming And You Heathens Are Screwed

Daily Mail- Widespread fear has been building that an ancient Biblical event where countless Christians disappear from Earth is just hours away.

Believers on social media platforms like TikTok have reached the point of hysteria over this prophecy, expressing their excitement for the end of days and even offering tips on how to handle being lifted into the sky to meet their maker.

The phenomenon, dubbed RaptureTok, has exploded in recent weeks after faith leaders started pushing the idea that the Rapture will begin on September 23, marking the Second Coming of Jesus and Judgment Day for non-believers.

Although the Bible never set a date for this world-changing event, and Christians have been actively discouraged from attempting to set dates for the Rapture throughout history, many have claimed the signs are there on Tuesday.

'What are we going to see whenever the sky literally opens up and then we go up? I don't know, but I can't wait to find,' one believer said in a YouTube video on Sunday.

Others have been claiming they've had visions or experienced strange coincidences involving the number 923 in their daily routine.

Some RaptureTok videos have received tens of thousands of views, including one where a man kept repeatedly saying 'Jesus is coming' next to the caption 'These are the last days' that's been watched over 488,000 times. 

Even respected pastors and rabbis have pointed out other signs that the Rapture could be nearing, including its aligning with the Jewish Feast of Trumpets and certain star constellations converging, which some interpret as fulfilling biblical prophecies.

So apparently, tomorrow is the day. According to a very specific corner of TikTok- the Rapture is coming on September 23. Jesus - the true and only Son of God, is allegedly returning tomorrow, and all of us who are part of the select, elite, group of true believers will be lifted up into the sky like the finale of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

And the rest of you? Well…  sadly you’re probably staying behind to endure all the hellfire and brimstone. Sorry.

The Rapture is the belief that Christian believers will one day ascend to heaven. Those left behind will endure seven years of suffering, war and devastation led by the Antichrist.

This event is thought to be a kind of rescue, where believers are instantly taken away from Earth to avoid a coming period of intense suffering called the Tribulation.

Biblical texts describe the Tribulation as a seven-year period of chaos and disasters, where evil rules on Earth before Jesus returns again to set up a peaceful kingdom.

Pastor Joshua Mhlakela has warned that Jesus will return on September 23 ‘whether you are ready or not’.

The pastor’s prediction has prompted ‘RaptureTok’ – a wave of religious hysteria now sweeping through TikTok.

Pastor Mhlakela’s announced his prophecy on a YouTube podcast that has since received almost 550,000 views.

He claimed Jesus came to him in a vision and confirmed that September 23 would be the date of his coming.

The video has been taken up by some Christians in the US, where approximately 23 to 26% of people identify as Evangelical Protestants, according to Pew Research Centre.

But don’t worry, it’s nothing personal guys. It’s just that my religion (Catholicism/Christianity) is the right one. Which, if you ask literally any major religion in the world, is exactly what they’re going to say too. Funny how that works. The Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists- everyone has their own exclusive VIP pass to the afterlife. Each one believes they’ve got the one true faith while the rest of humanity is basically background extras.

It’s just that each club comes with a hell of a lot of restrictions and hoops you have to jump through. I think my paisan Al Pacino might have explained it best in The Devil’s Advocate 

But back to the reckoning that’s coming tomorrow. It’s like if five different airlines all promised they were the only airline with a flight to Heaven, and everyone else was doomed to stay at O’Hare forever.

So, unbeknownst to me until this afternoon, this whole thing started when a South African pastor went viral on YouTube claiming Jesus personally  appeared in a vision, and told him September 23 was the big day. (That's tomorrow for those not following along. Kind of short notice if you're not on the guest list like those of us who were confirmed and had to avoid being molested in high school)

Since then, TikTok has been flooded with videos of people giving “tips” on how to gracefully float into the sky without flashing the entire neighborhood.

Meanwhile, others are stress-posting about whether their dogs will get raptured. There are people out there literally hoisting their golden retrievers into the air, Simba-style, praying that God doesn’t separate them at the cosmic TSA checkpoint. Imagine surviving seven years of war, famine, and the Antichrist, only to find out Buddy the Labradoodle made the cut while you didn’t.

Skeptics are quick to point out that people have been predicting the end of the world for literally two thousand years.

- 2015: Nope.

- 2017: Nope.

- 2019: Nope.

- 2020: We all wished it was the end, but… nope.

- 2021: Close, but still nope.

And every time it doesn’t happen, do people stop predicting? Of course not. They just hit the “snooze” button on the apocalypse and pick a new date, like it’s a Marvel movie release schedule.

But real talk here for a minute, every major religion has its own version of this same plotline- 

Our group are the chosen ones.

Everyone else is going to burn forever.

Act now, repent today, offer may expire without notice.

It’s basically a multi-level marketing scheme for your soul. Sign up three friends and get a free blessing! Eternity is a pyramid scheme with better branding.

Meanwhile, me and my fellow card-carrying Christians, will be sitting back with our popcorn, knowing that when the trumpet sounds tomorrow, we’ll be whisked away like Mary Poppins while the rest of you heathens fight over the last can of Spam at Walmart. Do I feel guilty about it? Absolutely not. We tried to tell you. You just thought we all were crazy. Joke’s on you.

Not gonna lie. It just feels good to know it was all worth it. 

Doesn’t it? 

All those years of getting dragged out of bed on Sunday mornings, half-asleep, putting on itchy dress clothes while your friends were still playing video games- finally paying dividends. 

The hours spent sitting through CCD classes where you learned just enough about the sacraments to pass the little quizzes but not enough to remember which Apostle was which? Worth it baby. 

The endless rehearsals for First Communion, Confirmation, and memorizing prayers like it was the SATs? All of it has officially become the spiritual equivalent of insider trading.

So here’s the plan- tomorrow, when the sky cracks open and the chosen rise like human bottle rockets, don’t panic. Just remember that every faith on earth has been promising this exact thing for centuries, and every single one of them believes they’re the only ones who got it right.

As for us believers in Christ? We’ll be floating past the clouds, waving goodbye, trying not to drop a smug little “I told you so” from 30,000 feet.

And if nothing happens tomorrow, no worries. We’ll just pick another date. Because when it comes to the end of the world, the one thing you can always count on is a strong sequel.

But good luck surviving the Tribulation tomorrow suckers. Say hello to the Anti-Christ (and his boy Peter Thiel) for us.