The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 3
Icon Sportswire. Getty Images.I have a lot of hate in my heart as I begin to write this blog. I just got off a week long cruise where I spent the better part of it chasing either a 1-year old, 4-year old (or both!) down a hallway the length of a football stadium on a ship the size of Rhode Island and I picked the god damn fucking Packers as one of my survivor picks. Now I sit here at my inlaws in Florida before a cross-country flight tomorrow (with said 1 and 4 year olds!) watching this atrocity of a Sunday Night football game with some of worst officiating I've seen in … I don't know… probably only a few weeks if I'm being honest.
But it's still awful. 74 jumps a half-second before a snap and nothing is called while on the very same play the defender turns around to locate the ball and because he runs into the receiver, he gets penalized. So you mean to tell me the defender has to play the ball AND watch to make sure he doesn't run into the receiver too? What in the absolute fuck is wrong with this dipshit league?
Chris Collinsworth. That's the answer. He is what the fuck is wrong. To be fair, I kind of still love him and his voice just exudes Sunday Night Football at this point. But come on. His biggest critique to the BS on the field maxes out at "hehehe I think he mighta gottaway with a little summm there." Patrick Mahomes made the second worst pass play I've ever seen clearly backwards and the refs blow it dead, further proving how dumb official "Land Clark" is. Maybe I'm biased here as a guy who's been at sea for a week - but you could say I'm anti Land.
I mentioned Patrick Mahomes had the second worst pass I've ever seen. Well, here's the worst and I shit you not I properly quoted Collinsworth's response to this very play…
By the way - what the hell happened to Patrick Mahomes? Dylan Raiola might be close to transferring to UCLA to pretend to be Tua at this point. The only explanation is he made a deal with the devil before he took over and it was time to pay the piper.
Whatever. I don't have much time. Here are your fucking sad stats.
Sad Stat #1: The Falcons gave up just 224 yards of offense and lost in a shutout
This one kind of puts me in a better mood because the last time a team was shut out while allowing less than 224 total yards of offense was the Taysom Hill Saints with just 212 in a 9-0 shutout of the Bucs in Week 15, 2021. That's your NFC South stat of the week. The most NFC South stat you could find. Hard not to chuckle. Starting to feel better already.
Sad Stat #2: Actually, offense kind of sucks all around this season
It's still early, but this is a big drop in team offense. A lot of people blaming the new kickoff rule on this with the argument that better starting position allows you to score with fewer yards. But that doesn't quite make sense. That would just mean you get more possessions if you can score quicker. But none of this matters because there's been no change in starting field position since 2010. Pretty much 35-yard line from 2011 to 2025.
This is just what happens when Daniel Jones is 3-0 and the talk of the league. Speaking of which…
Sad Stat #3:
One punt in three games. With Daniel Jones. I don't know what it is about New York, but it sure seems quarterbacks that survive after struggling there are able to ball out somewhere else. Like some baton handoff from Sam Darnold. So here's my spin on this stat. Let's see where the Colts fall in lowest punt percentage for first three weeks of a season since 1999.
1/27 for a smooth 3.7%. Outdoes Jayden Daniels from last year by a mile. Just look at the other teams at the bottom of this list. Josh Allen's Bills two years in arow. That one great Tua year. And Tom Brady in the height of his prime.
That's all I have time for this week. Should have more time next week. Maybe I'll get around to Matt Eberflus for putting forth a defense that could be carved up by a run of the mill high school JV team in their first week of freshmen summer camp. Truly astonishing.