Watch: Dave Portnoy Goes 200 MPH In An IndyCar Without An Ounce Of Fear Or Regret, Because That's What Michigan Men & Fearless Leaders Do

Dave Portnoy being a fearless king is a tale as old as time. He's been tougher than Edward Longshanks on his best day for many many years. That's nothing new.

And yet, it's still impressive to see just how far Davey Pageviews will push the envelope to make quality content for the masses. It's a level of selflessness rarely seen in this world today. I sincerely hope all the common men & women out there appreciate his efforts. Seriously, what other 700 million dollar man is stepping into an IndyCar just for your enjoyment? 

Folks it doesn't get more salt of the earth than this. Brick by brick. Bananaland. 

We don't have any footage of Dave getting out of the car but I imagine it looked something like this. Not an ounce of fear in his eyes and only a smile on his face. 

Don't let that audio fool you, there's no chance he was actually afraid for his life and/or feeling his guts in his feet. That's just for the cameras. Masterclass stuff from The Tastemaker really. 

Also don't even bother paying any attention to this Robbie Fox tweet. Working on getting it deleted actually. We do NOT speak Slinky Dog's disgusting name around these parts. 

I'm still not convinced those pictures from Disney were even real. Probably just another A+ Quigs edit, he's way too good at making these photoshop jokes seem so realistic. But regardless, find a new slant!

I will do you all a solid and close out this blog with something that is 100% real though. And that would be Dave Portnoy's complete domination yesterday on his Big Noon Kickoff premiere. Football is gonna be so goddamn fun this season. Wonder if Dave will end up rocking a nipple ring too purely out of spite? 

Anything is possible when a man that tall is that fearless, after all. Go Pres GO!!