I Personally Guarantee Ohio State Goes 12-0 This Season, And If They Lose One Game, I Will.....

So I'm running back my Ohio State punishment list again this season. Last year I walked away with only having to eat 320 peeps and thanking God that Dave didn't accept my double or nothing salary bet on the Michigan game. But we're back and better than ever this season, seeing as I was able to put a lot of thought into these punishments heading into the year: 

My initial thoughts are that Texas, Ohio University, UCLA, and Michigan are the biggest problems. However I'd like to think that Ohio and UCLA are going to be blowouts? I'm not sure I'd be able to survive a year where I should get married and having to change my legal name for a joke. But we'll cross that bridge if it comes to it. As for games we could legitimately lose, I'd say that goes (in order of loss chance):

1. Penn State

2. Texas

3. Michigan

4. Washington

5. Illinois

But in order of things I'm dreading doing, that group would go:

1. Michigan (176 miles is insane...and I think I'd need security if Michigan fans find the route, which they will)

2. Texas (I must admit I didn't know being the rodeo clown was so dangerous until I checked my DMs tonight)

3. Washington (30+ hours volunteering isn't the end of the world, but that week will be God fucking awful)

4. Penn State (I need to check on the damage of ink poisoning)

5. Illinois (Embarrassing, but not deadly)

Everyone is chirping me saying the Penn State one is the worst, but can't I just do that in a night then take like 3 weeks of showers to wash it off? Idk, I didn't think the peeps were going to be that bad when I made the list last year, and they almost killed me....and my teeth.

Either way, concern level is a zero. This team is better than last year's. Already working on the playoff punishments.