FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED!

JayBoivin. Getty Images.

I spend a fair amount of time on this blog and beyond, complaining about stories and images I see online.

For example, until today, I did not know who Sexyy Red was.

But today, I learned she is yet another rapper I will never listen to, even though I have been described at various points in my life as either Fat, Juicy, or Wet. 

(I know I am not the target audience, but this shit is fucking AWFUL.)

I also learned she has a line of lip glosses marketed to exude "that WET WET energy" of her overly-moist vagina.

If you don't mind, I'll list the shades of Sexyy Gloss that are available to your daughters, and invite you to draw my conclusions.

• There is a clear shade with holographic sparkles called "Coochie Juice."
• A brownish color with multi-tone shimmer called "Bootyhole Brown"
• A creamy white simply called "Nut"
• A cotton candy shade called "Pussyhole Pink"
• A gold shimmer called "Yellow Discharge"
• A sheer green apple called "Gonorrhea"
• And finally, a candied cherry with crimson sparkles called "Sex On My Period."

You can buy a sampler of all these colors for only $100… I was going to drop a link, but decided I didn't want to be responsible for someone's kid ever uttering the question- "Should I go with the 'Gonorrhea' or 'Sex On My Period'?"

It's lip glosses like that that make me write public blogs titled That's Enough Internet For Today and ponder private thoughts like, "Maybe Thanos was right?"

But then… Out of nowhere… Comes a strange man in a strange land on my timeline, and my faith in humanity is instantly restored…

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The strange man in this case is called Beard Dad, and the strange land is a collectible show.

I know absolutely nothing about card collection as a whole or Pokémon cards in particular. Still, I forwarded this clip around to everyone I know because, even though I saw this on Instagram, social media in general spends a TON of time pushing negativity into our tiny brains, and we sit there and absorb it because they give commercial breaks every now and again that shows girls with big bouncy tits.

The whole thing (outside of the bouncing tits) creates an unnecessary environment of fear and anger that shields us from the content that really matters— Content where people are helping other people for no reason except that they are fine human beings.

It throws Coochie Juice and Yellow Discharge in our eyeballs for 23 hours a day, so we are desensitized to the positivity that seeps through during that 24th hour.But that 24th-hour positivity is sometimes juuuuust enough to give us (or me, at least) a  healthy reset, and now I'm back to thinking we just might make it without that Thanos snap I alluded to earlier.

Because, for every idiot out there who wears Pussyhole Pink to Sunday mass, or decides it's a great idea to pay thousands to have a freshly cleaved dick tattooed to their shoulder,…

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… there's also a gentleman at a card show with a heart big enough to erase all the lunacy.

Kudos to you, Beard Dad… You just made a young girl very happy and injected a little bit of restorative sunshine into this old man's day.

Take a report.

-Large

Rico's dad was on my podcast. 

Listen to it… Or not… I really don't give a fuck.

TAR

-L