Dave Blunts is Threatening to Crowd Surf at His Upcoming Show

NO SITTING DOWN... NO COUCH... NO CHAIR... PARAMEDICS ON STANDBY...

God damn, that video got me. Dave Blunts got a good, audible "HA!" out of me this morning. Not because of his ominous threat to crowd surf. It was that perfect transition from his soliloquy about how he would be triumphantly STANDING UP for the duration of his performance, straight into "paramedics on standby in case I pass out". 

But also, his literal pointed threat to his fans that he WILL be crowd surfing on August 30th at the El Rey Theatre in Los Angeles, California. That was pretty good too. SEE YOU AT THE SHOW. YOU WILL NEED PARAMEDICS.

Also, Dave Blunts said of his upcoming performance that he'll be, "STANDING FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN!" Which in this case I guess is staying alive. Which is actually pretty admirable. A lot of people in his situation would have literally just let themselves die. I can't exactly put myself in his shoes (they'd be far too wide) but I'd imagine when a person lets themselves go that badly, to dig yourself out of that hole is pretty fucking hard. He's managed to lose a ton of weight. He's sure looks a hell of a lot healthier than he did at this concert last year. 

Good stuff, Dave Blunts. I want to like the guy. But he made things pretty tough when he revealed that he wrote ALL of the lyrics to Kanye West's Hitler album. 

Dave Blunts says he wrote the entirety of Kanye West’s new album, Cuck. Blunts explained his process for making the album while playing a snippet for fans on social media. He also clarified that the project won’t be antisemitic.

"Everyone seems to think WW3 is an antisemitic album, but it's not," Blunts said, as noted by Hip-Hop Lately. " It's about one man going between hurt, betrayal and pain and he's putting that sht down. I know it's not antisemitic album because I wrote that sht, me. Every song on that album … I can't wait for you all to hear that sht.  I know my label is going to be mad as hell because I told you I wrote that sht, but, whatever."

Idk man… "All my _ Nazi's, _ Heil Hitler" doesn't really seem like it has a deeper meaning. Not many ways you can interpret that bar.

I guess a big man has gotta get his nut. Dave Blunts has been in and out of the hospital so many times, I can't imagine the bills he's had to pay over the last couple year's just to survive. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. Sometimes you gotta get in the mud with Nazis if you want to not die from obesity. It's a tale as old as time. 

Be warned Los Angeles. Dave Blunts will be crowd surfing you on August 30th. The internet tells me he's 600-pounds. Thankfully, Dave Blunts has plenty surface area to work with. But even if they get 10 people under him, that's 60-pounds being held over each person's head. A 60-pound weight is pretty fucking heavy. If you pick a random group of 10 people at a rap concert, not all of them are going to be capable of that. And if a few people underneath Dave Blunts don't do their part… if his body shifts to one side and suddenly half his weight is falling on the shoulders of one person… that could turn bad quickly. Thank god for the paramedics. Who will be on standby.