Sandwich of the Month- "Boungiorno, motherfuckers!"

Shutterstock Images.

I've been trying to have my biggest meal of the day at breakfast lately.

It turns out that having a cigar and a bottle of red while grilling ribeyes at 1 AM and then immediately going to bed was starting to take its toll on my body, no matter how many CPAPs I wore while sleeping.

Roberto Machado Noa. Getty Images.

So now, I have been trying to do most of my gastrointestinal damage before 1 or 2 PM, and usually a lot earlier.

This morning, in particular, I wanted to make an Italian breakfast sandwich, so I was first in line at both the bakery AND pork store and had the grill lit by 9 AM.

And the result might be the best breakfast sandwich I have ever had...

Quick Recap of Ingredients for "The Buongiorno"

• Italian bread baked into a giant bagel shape, gutted, toasted, and buttered
• baby arugula dressed with olive oil, lemon juice, and salt
• Calabrian chili mayo
• shaved Piave cheese
• potato chips
• a grilled "Chevalatta" (Italian pork sausage pinwheel) 
• four perfectly fried eggs

Now, I will inevitably get in the comments that people cannot replicate this masterpiece because they live in areas without good bakeries or authentic grocery stores. And to those poor bastards, I have only one thing to say… 

Tough shit.

If you want to live in peace and tranquility in the middle of Bumfuck, Iowa, you'll have to make do with what DollarGeneral has to offer. That's on you.

Meanwhile, the rest of us can bask in homemade culinary masterpieces like the one I posted above while ignoring the drug-addled homeless people living on our doorsteps or the disease-ridden rats copulating in our tiny backyards.

We all have choices to make in life, and I choose sausage pinwheels.

Have a great Sunday, everyone… Except those miserable fucks (like Trent) in Iowa.

And take a report.

-Large

The Twisted History of Sexual Orientation just dropped, and it re-outs some of history's most famous gays…

TAR

-L