SUCK IT BLUTMAN! DJ Lagway: "I Don't Have A Prosthetic Arm"

HAHAHAHA SUCK MY DICK, BLUTMAN… AND MINTZY!!!

Sometimes I absolutely hate when the internet listens to my conversations. It’s creepy, and honestly makes me spend mad bread. But today? Today I’m glad. Actually, I’m fucking thrilled it did. Not even five minutes before I saw that glorious clip, Blutman and Mintzy were running their big ball knowing fat mouths. “DJ Lagway’s gonna be in a body cast all year.” “Florida’s hiding a shoulder surgery.” “He’s damaged goods.” Blah blah blah. Cry harder, losers.

And then boom, out comes the clip of DJ himself: “I don’t have a prosthetic arm…. I’m 100%.” Direct. Clear. No bullshit. Straight from the horse’s mouth. That’s all I needed to hear. I didn’t even hesitate. Went straight to DraftKings and hammered Florida +400 to make the playoffs like my life depended on it. And I’ll say it right now, on record, in front of God and the entire internet, if DJ Lagway plays all 12 games this season and the Florida Gators don’t make the College Football Playoff, I’ll shave my fucking head. Skin bald. That’s how confident I am.

Let everyone keep slobbering over Texas. Let ESPN spoon feed America the Alabama narrative. Let LSU pretend they still matter. I want them to get all the love, all the hype, all the preseason praise. Feed em rat poison until they choke on it. Meanwhile, the Gator boys will be down in Gainesville grinding. No glaze, no glamour, just football. 

I haven’t felt this good about a Florida team in a long, long time. This group has the pieces, the coaching is kinda sketch, but now, now we have the quarterback. DJ Lagway is the truth. That arm? Lethal. His presence? Unshakable. The Swamp’s about to be back on the map. 

So laugh now, Blutman. Chuckle it up on the treadmill, Mintzy. But when the Gators are sitting in the top 12 come December, I’m gonna be the one laughing, and bald as hell if I’m wrong. But I’m not. Florida is going to the fucking College Football Playoff. Book it.