The Five Sick Things About Being Sick

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Being sick sucks… but also? It kind of sick. I’m not saying I enjoy coughing into a pillow while my head pounds like how it would after getting lit up in football practice. But there are a few elite perks to catching a little 48 hour flu. You just have to lean into it. Here’s what I consider the sickest parts of being sick.

First off, the sick voice. I’m sorry, but I sound objectively hotter with a head cold. Something about the nasal rasp, the deepened tone, makes me wanna call all my exes and say “sup.” It’s not that I hate my normal voice, it just  sounds like a tax-paying adult just trying to get through a Wednesday. My sick voice sounds like Batman if he chain smoked cigs inside of a dive bar for the last 12 hours, its fucking sick.

Second,  and please, bear with me,  I kind of enjoy the taste of a mucus filled cough. Not in a “serve it in a glass” type of way, but there’s something oddly satisfying about it. It's like your body made a weird little science experiment and you're the taste tester. Every sick person knows what I’m talking about. It’s gross, yes, but it also means you’re clearing stuff out. It’s productive gross. Like popping a pimple or pulling lint out of the dryer. Disgusting, but very fulfilling.

Third, being sick is the only time when laying in bed all day is considered “self-care.” Usually if you’re in bed for 12 hours straight, people call you a lazy bum or think you’re depressed. But if you’re sick, suddenly binge watching an entire season of Love Island isn’t lazy, it’s medically encouraged. The bar for productivity is on the floor, and you are proudly laying on it with a box of tissues and no pants on.

Next up, we’ve got the chicken noodle soup. Specifically Mom’s chicken noodle soup. I don’t care how old you are, the second you're sick, you revert back to a child wrapped in a blanket burrito whispering “Can you make the soup?” There’s just something about it.  Everyone’s mom makes the best chicken noodle soup. I won’t even waste my time trying to compare, everyone knows what I’m talking about. Your mom makes the best chicken soup in the world and there isn’t a close second. 

Lastly, you don’t have to go to school. Or work. It’s the one get out of responsibility free card that actually works. Even the worst boss is like, “Yeah, stay home, I don’t want that near me.” Or if you do work from home, the bar is so low you can basically reply to emails in a NyQuil haze while watching YouTube conspiracy theories. It's a beautiful. 

So yeah, being sick isn’t all bad. You sound cooler, cough grosser, and live slower. Just don’t forget the soup.