Florida Man of The Day – Good Samaritan Spent His Birthday Allegedly Smoking Meth, Stealing A Sightseeing Train, And Giving Random Passengers A Ride Around Key West

Local 10 – Key West police say a man told officers, “Today is (my) birthday” after being told he was under arrest for stealing a Conch Tour Train on the Fourth of July.

Police went to the Conch Tour Train Depot at 1802 Staples Ave. just before 11:30 a.m. Friday after receiving a report that a Conch Train had been stolen and was being GPS tracked around downtown.

Police said an employee told officers that he had come into the depot, claimed he used to work for the company years ago, and asked for a tour of the train. They said he then got into one of the vehicles and drove off, leaving the employee “confused,” thinking that Winslow may have had permission to take the train. 

Winslow did not, police said.

Another employee was able to retrieve the stolen Conch Train near Duval and United streets, police said.

Authorities said Winslow had even picked up “two random passengers” while driving the vehicle.

They found Winslow at the Southernmost Point Buoy. Police said he “exhibited rapid speech and appeared excited” and when being told he was facing charges, claimed he merely “borrowed” the trolley, saying he used to work for the company and “today is his birthday,” the report states.

The report states that while being searched at the jail, a corrections deputy found a pipe in Winslow’s pocket.

“It’s a weed pipe,” police said Winslow exclaimed. 

It was not a weed pipe, they said. Instead, it was a methamphetamine pipe.

I'm pretty sure the Grateful Dead wrote a song about this guy. Classic case of "guys aren't even allowed to have fun anymore". 

You'd think a former employee of the Conch Tour Train Depot would at the very least be granted a free rental on his birthday. I can't believe they had the audacity to call the cops on him. This must be the best bit of advertising Conch Tour Train Depot has ever received. I didn't even know those trains were called conch trains. Or are they only called "conch trains" down in Key West? Does the Conch Tour Train Depot even sell the conch trains, or do they just give tours? It looks like they just give tours, but that address given in the article doesn't appear to be one of their guided tour locations. I'm still unclear on what specifically the Conch Tour Train Depot at 1802 Staples Ave does, but at least I'm asking questions. That's far more than I would have done before Jonathan Patrick Winslow came along. If I ever do find myself in the market for a conch train, and I happen to be in the Florida Keys, I now know exactly where I'm going first. 

Additionally, the media is quick to begrudge this guy for "grand theft auto" and "operating a motor vehicle under the influence". But for one, it sounds like one of their employees just kinda let him drive off without putting up a fight. How is Jonathan supposed to know the conch trains aren't just to take? Secondly, I would argue Jonathan made Key West a safer place that day. On July 4th, one of the premier drunk driving days of the year, in a town where everybody is permanently drunk, Jonathan Patrick Winslow was likely the most focused driver in all of Florida. There's a reason long haul truckers and methamphetamines go hand in hand. They're like steroids for driving. And he was out there picking up passengers. It's not like a couple of sober folks are getting in the back of that train. At bare minimum, Jonathan was able to get one drunk car driver off the road, and replace them with a highly alert engineer conducting a train that maybe tops out at 15 mph? Seems like a pretty good trade off to me. 

If anything, Key West should be thanking him for providing such great hospitality. I've never vacationed in the keys myself, but if I ever do, I can't think of a better Florida ass time than walking down the sidewalk and being randomly offered a lift from a methed-out Florida man in a stolen train. If that's not the reason you vacation in Florida, I don't know what is. If those passengers weren't already sold on Key West as a vacation spot, Jonathan Patrick Winslow just earned the city a couple of repeat tourists for life.

Well done, Jonathan. You've done Florida proud. I hope you birthday was everything you expected it to be.