PSA: Intravenous Semen Injections Are NOT A Good Treatment For Chronic Back Pain
UNILAD – One man has found out the 'hard' way about why you should leave the pain relief to medical professionals.
Seeking a cure for his chronic back pain, he decided to inject his own sperm, only to be left with a disturbing side effect.
While we know back pain can be excruciating, and can't imagine the pain you must be going through to take such extreme measures, it doesn't take someone with a PHD to realize that injecting your own sperm into your body probably isn't a good idea.
As reported by ABC News, an unnamed man from Ireland was hospitalized when he injected himself with his own sperm.
The Irish Medical Journal (IMJ) explains how the man needed medical attention after he complained about "severe, sudden onset lower back pain" that was supposedly caused by "lifting a heavy steel object three days prior." His back pain was said to have been ongoing for much longer, but during a physical exam, the doctors noted that his arm was oddly red and swollen.
He then revealed he'd been injecting himself with his own semen for the past 18 months, using a hypodermic needle he'd bought online.
His current predicament with his arm was caused after he injected three doses into his blood and muscle at once.
After undergoing an X-ray, he was told he was suffering from subcutaneous emphysema, which is a rare condition where gas or air is trapped under the skin.
To combat this, he was "immediately commenced on intravenous antimicrobial treatment."
When his back pain eased, he then discharged himself, and it's unknown what happened next. In the report, Dr Lisa Dunne reiterates that the patient was acting of his own accord, while searches for others using semen for pain relief turned up nothing: "Although there is a report of the effects of subcutaneous semen injection into rats and rabbits, there were no cases of intravenous semen injection into humans found across the literature.
As idiotic as this concept seems on the surface, I'm not even going to begrudge this Irish gentleman for mainlining semen into his forearm until it inflated like a shiny red balloon. Doing it for 18 months straight is a bit insane, but for anybody who's ever dealt with legitimate chronic back pain, or known anyone who's gone through that, it's genuinely one of the most frustrating things in the world. To live your life for months or years at a time without ever being able to rest your body in a comfortable position. It doesn't matter if you're laying in bed, on a hard floor, sitting on the couch, standing straight up, actively exercising, you're just physically uncomfortable at all times of the day. You would do literally anything to make the pain and discomfort go away.
Even when you go see a doctor, so much of the time there's just nothing they really do. Especially if they take x-rays and find that it's being caused by something like slipped disc in your back or neck. They won't want do surgery, especially if you're a little younger. They'll just advise you to take it easy, give you a list of helpful stretches, and hopefully the disc will unslip itself over time. Since you basically have to be on your death bed to get any real painkillers nowadays (which is probably a good thing overall), the most the doctor will be able to do for you is a steroid shot and some muscle relaxers. Those may relieve the pain for a bit, but not in a truly satisfying way. All you can do is wait it out, do your stretches, and cross your fingers that your spine will magically fix itself.
But for a person who's back doesn't heal, and is living their life in constant pain, it doesn't surprise me at all that they would resort to something as crazy as injecting themselves with cum. When you're that desperate for the slightest bit of relief, you'll take advice from anybody. I can see the conversation now. I bet he was out drinking alone at a bar, because alcohol is the best painkiller he's got, and he struck up a conversation about his back pain with some overconfident/possibly homeless drunk guy sitting next to him.
"You know they inject semen in rabbits."
"Really? For pain relief?"
"Yep. You ever heard of stem cells? It's the same thing?"
I'd imagine that's all it took. When you're told by multiple doctors that there's nothing they can do, and surgery is not an option, and you've started to think you'll never be able to sit or lay comfortably again in your life, there's nothing you won't try once. Considering this man continued injecting semen into his arm for a full year and a half, I'm guessing it had a placebo effect that gave him some sort of relief. So he just rolled with it until he came down with a nasty case of Popeye arm.
Seeing this story about a man who did something as patently ridiculous as self-administering intravenous cum treatments doesn't surprise me at all. Chronic pain, especially chronic back pain is a fucking bear. There's a reason it's one of the leading causes of suicide. I have two people close to me right now who have similar slipped disc situations in their neck, and it just seems like the most hopeless, most infuriating thing ever. Hell, if this guy got 18 months of relief out of his semen injections, I have half to mind to suggest it to them. Getting your arm drained of air once every year or so seems like a small price to pay if it means you don't dread sitting on the couch every day.