Dortmund's Bench Players Need A Charmin Sponsorship After Watching Club World Cup Game From The Locker Room Because It Was A Wittle Too Hot Outside (87 Degrees)
Okay so first and foremost, let's just ask the real question here--what in the actual frick is the Club World Cup? For the past couple of weeks, I kept seeing that FIFA was nervous that tickets weren't selling in the US for these games. Uhhhhh no shit, guys. That's because nobody in America even knows these games are happening. Apparently it's been an annual tournament for the past like 20 years? Go ask anybody in America right now and there's a good chance they never heard about it until you just asked them.
But back to the matter at hand here. In case you're a soccer player and have locked yourself inside over the last 5 or so days, the temperature has been pretty spicy lately. Nothing too ridiculous. It's not like we're topping out at triple digits all across the country. But it's definitely been "sweat your dick and balls off if you're outside for anything longer than 15 minutes" weather.
Dortmund played against some club called Mamelodi Sundowns on Saturday in Cincinnati. It was 87 degrees out. Pretty hot, I'm sure it was pretty muggy, but nothing too ridiculous. Maybe set up a few mist fans on the sideline and you'll be alright. If you're a parent of a kid who plays in summer tournaments, you look at it *only* being 87 degrees outside as a treat. But for the Borussia Dortmund bench players? They had to hide for their lives from the sun.
Imagine being a guy who actually plays on that team. You're running around for 90+ minutes in some gross ass Ohio weather. Meanwhile, your teammates are all just chilling in an air conditioned locker room watching you on a 32 inch screen. They can't even bother themselves to just sit out there and keep some water bottles filled up while you're fighting for your life trying to beat some random team from South Africa. I wouldn't be shocked if they had a nice little ice cream social during the game. Who wants sprinkles?
We used to have a word for these kind of guys, but I don't know what we're allowed to say anymore. What I do know is that America will always be the greatest country in the world as long as we don't give in and fully embrace soccer. This is what happens when you grow up in a nation that doesn't play real football. Candy asses.