THAT'S ENOUGH INTERNET FOR TODAY- With Cheeks Wide Open

6/19/2025 4:45 PM

Scott Dudelson. Getty Images.

Every now and again, I catch myself hunched over my phone with the posture of a fucking jumbo shrimp as I am furiously 'doom-scrolling' until I find something so odd that it makes me question the future of this world.

Typically, the posts that stop me dead in my tracks are sexual in nature, and sometimes they are not sexual at all. But no matter what they are, they are always weird enough to make me wonder- Why the fuck does this even exist?

Today, that question arose when I bumped into a young lady named sincerelysamiii on Instagram who shoved a portable speaker up her ass and played One Last Breath by Creed…

I'm six feet from the edge of my couch and I'm thinking this is all a joke… And if it is, it is certainly funny. But on the off chance she did make the real Sacrifice of shoving something that big up her ass, I think we should accept her With Arms Wide Open, so what song would you request?

Personally, I'd like to hear either Disturbed's cover of The Sound of Silence, or whatever eerie shit was playing in the background while Buffalo Bill was crafting his skin-suit…