The Stanley Cup’s Best Player? A 37-Year-Old the Bruins Let Go

I’ve watched this clip over a hundred times, and somehow it gets better every single time. Actually, scratch that. It doesn’t just get better, it gets funnier. The more I watch it, the more I laugh at the fact that the Boston Bruins traded us a 37-year-old Brad Marchand, and he’s been the best fucking player in the entire Stanley Cup. Let that sink in. Our so-called “rivals” handed us the final piece of the puzzle for what? A first-rounder and some air? LOL. Who knows what that pick turns into, but I can promise you one thing, it won’t be a goddamn Brad Marchand in the Stanley Cup Final.

This dude is an absolute menace. A savage. Born to be a Florida Panther. He was meant to rock this jersey. If we win the Cup, we need to retire his number on the fucking spot and parade him around South Florida like a dictator showing off his military hardware. That’s how good he’s been. That’s how much I love this guy.

And let’s be clear, I hated Brad Marchand. Hated his guts. Loathed him. For years, he was enemy number one. But now? I’d take a bullet for the guy. That shift alone tells you everything you need to know about Brad Marchand and about sports in general. The greatest player you can have is the one you hate to play against and love to have on your team. That’s the mark of a true dawg. A killer. If you can’t stand the guy when he’s on the other side, but he becomes your hero the second he throws on your jersey, that’s when you know you’ve got a real one.

And Marchand has been that guy. Just look at his fucking stat line these playoffs. Look at the way he carries himself. Look at the moments he’s showing up in.

WHO ELSE IS DOING THIS AT 37 YEARS OLD? NOBODY. Just our very own, now-iconic, homegrown (we’re claiming him), Florida Panthers legend: Brad Marchand.

And for everyone out there saying, “He’s not going to re-sign” shut the fuck up. You’re an idiot. The man is living in paradise. South Florida weather, golf cart rides to practice, zero media bullshit breathing down his neck like he’d get in Toronto. He’s got life by the balls right now. You really think he’s gonna walk away from that? Be serious.

Brad Marchand is here to win and he’s here to stay.

So to the Boston Bruins, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for giving us this beautiful, ageless menace of a man for what amounts to a bag of chips and a handshake. We’ll take good care of him. Promise.