The Satanic Temple Is In Desperate Need Of A Rebrand
Shutterstock Images.DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — The Satanic Temple Iowa on Tuesday filed a complaint accusing state officials of discriminating against the group because of its members’ religion, having denied them access to the state Capitol building for a December holiday display and event.
The group’s holiday observances garnered national attention in 2023 after a Mississippi man destroyed their Iowa Statehouse display depicting the horned deity Baphomet, which was permitted in the rotunda along with a Christmas tree and other religious holiday installations.
The Satanic Temple Iowa’s application for a display and event in December 2024 was denied, a decision that the organization says violated its members’ constitutional rights and Iowa civil rights law.
Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds said in a statement that state Capitol policies reflect the potential impact on children and families, given that they routinely visit the public building and spaces around it.
You'll see stories like this about once a year. A couple years back I wrote a blog about a group of Satanic Temple people were granted permission to host their "After School Satan Club" at an elementary school in Tennessee. You can imagine how that went over with the townsfolk. Basically every story about the Satanic Temple being either granted or denied permission to carry out their Satanic Temple activities can be boiled down to something like this.
Satanic Temple Leader: Hi, I represent the Satanic Temple. We would like to worship in the most highly trafficked, most public building our town has to offer.
Local Government Representative: Ahhhhhhh fucking damn it COME ON guys… Do we have to do this? There's like, kids in there and stuff. There's nowhere else you can do your Satan meeting? You need to do it in lobby of the City Hall? It's gonna cause a whole thing. There's not much else going on in this town for people to get mad about.
Satanic Temple Leader: Yep, it has to be there.
Local Government Representative: Why?
Satanic Temple Leader: Because you let the Catholic Church do their children's Christmas concert there. How come that was ok?
Local Government Representative: Because they're children, and it was Christmas. They played choir bells and sang Little Drummer Boy.
Satanic Temple Leader: Oh so they're religion is ok, but people have a problem with the Satanic Temple?
Local Government Representative: Yes.
Satanic Temple Leader: Do you know how messed up that is? It's called freedom of religion. Look it up. It's our constitutional right to turn City Hall into a scene from the Exorcist.
Local Government Representative: Is it really? You guys literally worship Satan. The man who represents all of the terrible, evil things in the world. You see how that might be kind of upsetting… maybe even threatening to the community, right?
Satanic Temple Leader: Oh. My. Devil. That is rich. You think THE SATANIC TEMPLE worships SATAN?! You don't know the first thing about us. The Satanic Temple isn't about Satan at all. We don't even believe he exists. We believe in reason, empathy, and the pursuit of knowledge. We believe people should strive to act with compassion and empathy towards others. That the freedoms of others should be respected. That people are fallible, and if one makes a mistake, one should do their best to rectify it and resolve any harm it might have caused. That a person's beliefs should conform to their best understanding of the world, and one should never distort facts to fit their beliefs.
Local Government Representative: …
Satanic Temple Leader: …
Local Government Representative: …
Satanic Temple Leader: …
Local Government Representative: Then why is there a gigantic bloody man-goat statue in the bed of your truck?
Satanic Temple Leader: It's called a Baphomet
Local Government Representative: Why do you have a Baphomet? Isn't that like….. that just seems very Satan specific
Satanic Temple Leader: Ok but it's not like "Satan Satan". We use Satan as a symbol to advocate for the separation of church and state
Local Government Representative: Oh I see bitch. You want separation of church and state, but not when you need to cite the constitution for your own gain
Satanic Temple Leader: Yeah that's kinda the whole point
Local Government Representative: What?
Satanic Temple Leader: Never mind. They're your laws. We're just playing the cards we're dealt. We're nothing more than an organization who doesn't believe in God and wants people to treat each other with respect. What is so bad about that?
Local Government Representative: The Satan part. I told you. You're named after Satan. You're doing the whole goat heads thing. The whole foundation of the deity you named yourselves after represents all things in life that are evil and sinister.
Satanic Temple Leader: The Catholic Church's foundation is molesting alter boys
Local Government Representative: Ok that's a pretty decent point, but you're scaring the community. Why can't you just name your group after anyone else? Anybody but Satan and you'll stop having this problem.
Satanic Temple Leader: No.
Local Government Representative: You live for this shit don't you.
Satanic Temple Leader: …
Local Government Representative: …
Satanic Temple Leader: …
Local Government Representative: You can't do your Satan party in a government building.
Satanic Temple Leader: Fine then, I'm call–
Local Government Representative: Don't you fucking dare.
Satanic Temple Leader: I'm calling the New York Post!
Local Government Representative: Motherfucker…
––– END SCENE –––
If any members of the Satanic Temple are reading this and are in the market for some unsolicited advice from a Barstool Sports blogger. Just change your name, guys… Why do you have to hold onto the Satan thing? Satan is a bad guy. You don't even believe in him. It seems like you just call yourself The Satanic Temple to piss people off. I know there's some sort of point you're making about religion being harmful or whatever. It's point I probably agree with in a lot of cases. And I'm sure the people who oppose you are often real big ass holes. I don't understand why the can't look the other way and pretend you don't exist either. But I visited your Satanic Temple website. You guys preach the Seven Tenants, right? Your very first tenant states, "One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason."
Don't you think it's kind of reasonable to not want a group named after Satan to have a presence in your state's Capitol? You could show a little compassion for those who are made uncomfortable by a group of people named after the devil himself. Maybe meet them halfway and stop deliberately branding yourself with something that you know is going upset them. You can get your point across and practice what you believe in without it having to be one big fuck you to everyone who believes in the teachings of the Bible.
I know at the end of the day you probably love when stories like this get a little national attention, but if you want to one up your "opposition"… then try being the bigger person in this situation. The Temple of Reason. The Empathy Group. The Church of Benevolence. Those are all buzz words I see on your website. Name your group after one of those. Everything you actually claim to stand for seems very reasonable to me. If more people lived by your Seven Tenants, the world would be a better place. Maybe if you weren't named after the devil. Maybe if the header of your website wasn't full of skulls, dragons, Baphomets, and upside down stars, more people would be willing to hear what you have to say.
