The Only Reason Your Wednesday Doesn’t Suck: Champions League

Sam's Army8/26/2015 6:28 PM

Sam’s Other Guide to Champions League Qualifying (Leg 2)

Hi haters,

It is Wednesday morning and I have already born witness to my weekly (perhaps even lifely) allotment of horrifically violent videos on the internet so time to dig a hole way down deep and bury all that shit and instead focus on what really matters in life: Champions League soccer.

And puppies

But enough of feelings, let’s get back to the grind. And what better way than with a couple fun comments from yesterday’s blog to get us started off on the right foot…

You must be new. Thanks for reading!

Godfuck you too, bearjew. Amen, praise be.

Godfuck you too, bearjew. Praise be, amen.

Keep the vitriol coming, ladies. Nothing warms my cockles like your inexplicable hatred for a sport that was just one of the many ones you undoubtedly sucked at as a kid.

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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE QUALIFYING

Both of yesterday’s televised games proved to be somewhat interesting, though not all that high on the “dramatic” scale thanks to an early goal from Valencia and a wrongly negated goal for Celtic. Ah well, them’s the breaks sometimes.

The schedule for today’s returns legs are:

As for the two games on TV today, it would be a major failure for three of the clubs to not make the Champions League. But because there are only two slots available somebody – and potentially somebodies, if United shits the bed – is going to be left out in the cold. As a quick reminder, here is how things stand after last week’s games:

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PICKS OF THE DAY

Brugge (+330)
United (-115)
Draw (+270)

Somebody remember me!

I give Louis Van Gaal a lot of shit, and often rightly given his penchant for sticking to failed or failing tactics out of (I assume) a stubborn belief in his own geniosity, but his decision to insert (Belgian!) Marouane Fellaini in the waning moments of the first leg proved to be a masterstroke as Sideshow Bob did what he does best and headed home an insurance goal that provided United with some much-needed breathing room going into the return leg in Brugge.

United were clearly the better side in the first leg, and if they were playing their best XI (even without David De Gea) then I’d say this would be done and dusted. However, the Belgian club has some dangerous players and, perhaps more importantly, I’m a little nervous about the XI that LVG will end going with today given rumors that the likes of Antonio Valencia and Ashley Young could be inserted into the starting line-up. In addition, Marcos Rojo – who I like in general but am doubtful about his fitness/sharpness – may also see his first minutes of the season, so a mistake here or there is not out of the realm of possibility. In the end though I think Wayne Rooney, Memphis (not Depay) and company just have too much quality to lose this one. United to win 3-2.

Bonus bets: If you are looking to dabble in some slightly more exotic wagers, two picks that I like going into this one are (1) both teams to score [odds: 4/6] and (2) Rooney to score [odds: 11/8]

Is scoring on Spurs even worth celebrating?

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Bayer (-175)
Lazio (+510)
Draw (+310)

Huge game for both clubs, each of whom have high hopes for the season, which necessarily means playing continental games on Tuesdays and Wednesdays rather than Spursdays.

We all float down here…

To be perfectly honest, this should be the much better game of the two as Lazio travel to Bayer hoping to protect a one-goal lead. The biggest difference going into this one will be that the Italians are missing (captain) Lucas Biglia and Miroslav Klose, who typically play pivotal roles in the midfield and up top, respectively. Tough not to like ze Germans in this one, and while 1-0 score-line sending it into extra time is enticing, I think that zay vill haft juzz enuft to shcore unt uzzer. Bayer to win 2-0.