Hikers Along The Colorado River Captured Footage of What They Believe Was Big Foot This Weekend

Arite guys I’m going to level with you. In the past, I’ve been apt to ejaculate prematurely when it comes to supposed Sasquatch sightings. 

What can I say? Like a less handsome, but equally sex-crazed Mulder from X-Files, I just want to believe...

Well, folks. It gives me great joy to announce that at long, long last, thanks to these adventurists in Colorado over the weekend, it looks like we finally got him.

I mean, look at the evidence. 

It's as clear as day.

If that isn't Bigfoot, aka Sasquatch, aka Skookum, aka Fouke Monster, aka Momo (my personal fav), aka Mogollon Monster, aka Yowie, aka Ban-Manush, aka Grassman, then what the hell is it?

Are you trying to tell me that's another prankster dressed up in a squatch suit roaming around in the wilderness trying to pull one over on gullible individuals who will believe anything they see on the internet? 

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If so, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. 

Open your eyes. 

Did you see the gait on that thing? Are you trying to tell me that's human? 

Squatch experts, such as Bob Gimlin here, 

claim that squatch's are "interdimensional beings". That means they can bounce between dimensions, going back and forth whenever they want. Hence why they're so dang elusive.

Well now the cats out of the bag. We finally have definitive proof that they're out there in the wilderness thanks to this video. They really had us going for a while, but now their little game is over. 

I can't wait to hear what these guys have to say about this whole thing.