All Things Considered, Gronk Saying Aaron Hernandez Used to Whack Off in Team Meetings is the Least Surprising Thing Ever
NY Post - Rob Gronkowski all but confirmed a salacious rumor mentioned to him by former Titans offensive lineman Taylor Lewan that late teammate Aaron Hernandez used to masturbate during team meetings.
“We heard stories about him being in the team meeting room like beating off and like doing crazy s–t,” Lewan said during the latest “Bussin’ with The Boys” podcast.
“Possibly,” Gronkowski said with a slight laugh. “That’s a possibility that one. ...
“I may or may not have seen it live,” the former tight end said. “I’m not going to confirm nor deny, but I love crazy s–t, though. I didn’t mind things like that. I was like, ‘Wow, that was pretty epic.’ I was a wild man myself. Nothing fazed me. I encouraged it.”
Gronkowski said there was a lot of “craziness,” which he didn’t mind, although he didn’t “see it going to the level it went to.”
It took no time flat for this clip to go viral. And for good reason. Gronk is impossible not to like. His reaction is priceless. And the last I checked [looks it up again and yup, the math works] 90% of grown men and 100% of pro football players are mentally 14 years old and will never stop laughing at stories about other men jacking it. It's funny every time it's tried.
I've heard it from people who were in the courtroom once where a defendant was on trial for public indecency. And in his closing argument, the defense lawyer tried to sound all serious and scholarly and said, "What are we talking about here? Let's call it what it is. [People biting their lip to hold it in.] My client was jerking off. [Stifled laughter.] I do it! He does it! You do it! [Howls of derisive laughter around the room.] We AAALLL do it!" [Chaos as no one tries to hide it.] So how could it not be hilarious when it's Gronk telling the story about the most bizarre, deranged, notorious Patriot in team history hitchhiking to the moon as their offensive coordinator is going over the audibles and "Check with mes" for the game against the Jets or whatever.
I guess all I have is that, in retrospect, when you've got Aaron Hernandez whipping up a batch in the middle of a team meeting, you're pretty much killing it. At that point, everything is coming up you. Any day he's not showing up to work with blood literally on his hands from murdering two guys who might have shown him some disrespect in a nightclub earlier that morning or shot a long time friend in a vacant lot nearby, you take that W every time. As long as he knows his assignment if Brady checks to a max protect or whether he should run a Cover-2 beater vs. a sit route against a certain look, let him spank it to completion, amirite? Not that I approve, mind you. I think we'd all prefer to keep that streak of not seeing a coworker's erection going for our entire careers. No one wants that "THIS WORKPLACE AS GONE [XX] DAYS WITHOUT AN EMPLOYEE MASTURBATING" safety sign get reset to [01] ever. But as long as the guy puts in the work at practice, hits the gym and studies his film, then he can pleasure himself like a Bonobo for all anyone should care.
That said, this is a reminder of how completely unhinged Hernandez was. And how insane the days between Odin Lloyd's murder and his jail cell suicide were. I'm going to be perfectly content to have a winning Patriots team without crackpots like him around. Here's hoping the next guy that rubs one out in a team meeting gets cut before he's able to do so much as edge. Something tells me the team will be better off.