There's A New 3 Day Alpha Male Camp That Promises To Turn You Into A "Real Man" For The Incredibly Low Price Of $18,000

Listen, it's not everyday that I watch a video and get through 3 minutes with baited breath for what the next scene is going to be, but this had me hooked. 30 second algorithm brain be damned, I couldn't turn away from what these fellas were being subjected to. Some quick research shows that this is a new alpha male camp that is a 3 day process to "turn you into a real man", and fellas are paying $18,000 for this lucrative experience. 

That's only the cost of a used 2023 Chevrolet Malibu with 45,000 miles on it to be told you're a piece of shit while some guys force you to eat a cookie and .. share it? I mean what in the fuck was that segment where they had a bunch of dudes crawling until these two dudes shared a cookie? "You, fucking slow fat one, get over here and eat this cookie and those dudes over there are not stopping crawling until you do so!" felt like a twist straight out of a M. Night Shyamalan flick. You're telling me I have to finish a delicious chocolate chip cookie like I was Mr. Portnoy doing cookie reviews?

"My son is obnoxiously wealthy" was a banger of a line by Mr. Portnoy btw. Anyway, the ending of that video sorta had me fired up. All you gotta pay is $18,000 to fight that "bitch of a voice in your head" and you're going to look like Liver King in a few weeks. For all the people that complain about Barstool After Dark losing its steam, tell me you wouldn't tune into a 3 day marathon of Ohio's Tate and Lucas getting a Hell Week-esque training session from either a guy who thought he was in the SEALs or was one? 

Appointment television.