Ranking The Worst Jobs I've Had
Bloomberg. Getty Images.I was scrolling TikTok last night and came across this video of some middle-aged swole white dude. Seems like he does one of those podcasts that get people fired up. I couldn’t tell you his name, but the video hit home. He said everyone in America, at one point in their life, should be forced to work a physical labor job because then they’ll never be ungrateful for the job they have. And I felt that. I immediately went back to my days before Barstool, and it hit. It’s a blessing I get to work here and not at some of the places I worked at before. I get PTSD just thinking about them. However, these are by far the worst jobs I worked before starting at Barstool.
Salesman For A Cruise Line That Only Goes To The Bahamas Right After Hurricane Dorian Hit:
I never felt like a bigger scumbag in my life than when I had to cold call hundreds of people a day trying to get them to buy a cruise to the Bahamas after they got hit with a Category Five hurricane. But the only person who had it worse was the guy sitting next to me whose name happened to be Dorian.
The amount of people who cursed him out for this “sick prank” was staggering. I felt bad for him, but I also felt bad for everyone in the office who was trying to pitch paradise while people are watching the island get torn to shreds on the news. Truly one of the worst experiences of my life. Not to mention, the CFO walked in and fired the entire office on the spot for lack of sales, but I learned if they can fire an entire office on the spot, I can quit without giving my two weeks.
Starbucks Barista:
At the time, I was 20 years old and thought I had created the greatest scheme known to man. Why not be the young, charming man who works behind the counter at Starbucks to meet endless amounts of pretty girls? In theory, it sounded good, but it was an absolute nightmare. Sure, you might get a couple of pretty girls here and there, but for the most part, you’re dealing with miserable Karens who are taking your head off for putting three pumps of their sugar-free vanilla instead of five.
The worst anxiety I ever had in my life is seeing a line of people out the door at 7 a.m. while online orders are printing like the Federal Reserve prints money. It quickly became clear that this job was not what I thought it was.
Landscaping:
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This was the job that changed my life. I took a “break” from college, and my dad immediately said, “Ok, time to work.” He called one of his buddies, and the next day I was on the truck at 5 a.m., ready to work. It was mid-July in Florida, hot as a mother fucker, and I was in jeans and a long sleeve. I made it a full two houses before I started chafing.
Worst part was I had three more houses to hit before the day was over. By the time I got to the last house, I was walking like there was a log of wood tied to my balls. Every step I took was agony. I couldn’t wait to get home. After the last house, I called my mom and told her I’m going back to school. I got home, grabbed a bag of ice, put it on my balls, drank a cold beer, and signed up to go back to school. I have nothing but the utmost respect for everyone who works a physical labor job. Truly the backbone of this country and are way stronger than I will ever be. God bless you all.