Wild Conspiracy Theory of the Week: 3 European Leaders are Accused of Getting Busted With a Bag of Cocaine

Liewig Christian. Shutterstock Images.

It's been a while since we've had a really good, or even halfway decent conspiracy theory. Anything fresh, that is. Something new and different. Like Hollywood movies, everything lately has just been some lazy rehash of the same old stuff we've heard before. Remakes and sequels of conspiracies we're all growing tired of. UFO coverups, Epstein's client list and so on. I'd say the only really unique one we've had in a long time was the weirdness with the New Jersey drones, and that one went away faster than it appeared. 

Well here's one the conspiracy buffs might be able to sink their teeth into. Because in 2025 there is nothing so important - not even world leaders trying to end a years-long war on their continent - that the internet can't find some ridiculousness to focus on. In this case, that the leaders of Germany, France and the UK were on a train coming back from peace talks in Kyiv, were caught by journos with a bag of blow in plain sight, and then clumsily tried to hide it without anyone noticing:

This X post has 17 million views and 107K likes, despite the fact the account has just 77K followers. Partly due to the fact it got amplified by a bunch of center-right accounts. One with a million followers:

And this one with five million:

Naturally the Russians have been all over this. The information director of their Ministry of Foreign Affairs, pounced on this like a Dostoevsky character on a bottle of Smirnoff:

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And while I'm not exactly predisposed to believe what Russian spokespeople say, Maria Zakharova looks like she would seduce me in order to betray my country's secrets, then ship me off to years of forced labor in a Siberian gulag. And I'd sign up for that:

What were talking about? Oh right. An alleged bag of cocaine on an alleged table between the heads of state of Europe. Unfortunately, it appears not to be true. At least according to those wet blankets in the French government:

Daily Mail - France has blasted a fake claim that President Emmanuel Macron hid a bag of cocaine while posing for a photograph with Keir Starmer and Germany's Friedrich Merz over the weekend. 

The trio met on Friday aboard a train travelling from Poland to Ukraine to visit President Volodymyr Zelensky and to pressure Russia into agreeing to a ceasefire. 

But the European leaders have been at the centre of fake internet accusations after pro-Russia social media accounts claimed that Macron had hidden a bag of white powder while posing for a photo with his counterparts. …

The French government quickly blasted the false claim, clarifying that the item on the table was a tissue. 

'When European unity becomes inconvenient, disinformation goes so far as to make a simple tissue look like drugs,' the Elysee said in an X post on Sunday night. 

'This fake news is being spread by France's enemies, both abroad and at home. We must remain vigilant against manipulation.'

To repeat, because this can't be said enough, this is 2025. Which means there are plenty of people who won't let a little thing like a denial from our longest running ally get in the way of believing what they're hearing from our greatest geopolitical rival for the last 80 years:

Personally, I think I'm going with France on this one. Even though that was one hell of a suspicious looking way of taking a snot rag off a table. Macron couldn't have looked any more like he was hiding something if he tried. There are 16 year olds slamming their laptops shut when mom comes into their bedrooms who look less busted than he does in that clip.

And it's not like I think because France has consistently been on our side since the Boston Tea Party their President is incapable of lying. Hell, look at what he just did when he was in the middle of trying to be a champion of the working class and realized he was sporting a watch that cost more than the average Frenchman's car:

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Then there's the small matter of him making the teacher who was doing avoir des rapports sexuels with him when he was her student the First Lady of France.

But just because you're shamelessly deceptive and rode the F-Train with your teacher doesn't mean you're a coke addict. It just makes you the president of a country that likes that in a leader. 

Now here's hoping the next conspiracy theory lasts longer than this one did.