Lucia Is Simply Too Hot To Be A Main Character In GTA VI

Watch the video above and tell me was that really necessary for a video game preview? I mean, seriously. Look, I’m glad GTA VI finally gave us something to get excited about after all this time. But instead of just hyping us up, they gave us too much to “GRASP” and I’m not even talking about the map, the gameplay, or the vice city. I’m talking about her.

Lucia. She’s simply too hot to be a main character. I don’t care what the story is or what kind of criminal mastermind she’s supposed to be. Her beauty is going to be a main distraction, and I say that as someone who’s played every GTA title since I could hold a controller. Let’s be honest, 13- or 14-year-old me wouldn’t have made it past the first mission. How the hell am I supposed to stay focused when I’m staring at that dump truck for the entire campaign?

And don’t try to make it seem like I’m the weirdo here. Whoever put this trailer together is the real freak. They made damn sure we saw Lucia’s ass from every angle. I counted SIX different shots. Front, back, side, slow motion, they knew exactly what they were doing. 

Rockstar isn’t just marketing a game; they’re marketing lust. And you know what? I can’t even blame them. Sex sells. Always has. Always will.

But let’s go beyond the ass for a second, she’s just gorgeous. That face, the voice, the body, Lucia is a certified rocket. And now that the official screenshots have dropped? Yeah, good luck to every straight dude with a pulse. You’re barking at your screen whether you want to or not. It’s automatic.

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And here’s where it gets tricky: she’s not just in the game, she’s the lead. In a third-person shooter. That means you’re literally going to be staring at her the entire time. I'm telling you, it's too much. She's not just a main character, she's a main distraction. And I know I’m not alone in thinking this.

Real or not, pixelated or not, Lucia is hot. And she might just be too hot for her own good.

And yes, I fully admit writing this blog might be a cry for help. But until I get that help? I’ll be playing this game… very distracted.