Could The Entire Barstool Office Beat One Gorilla?
The hypothetical that has recently taken the internet by storm is a simple yet fascinating one: could 100 dudes take down a single gorilla? At first, my gut reaction was a hard no, there's absolutely no chance. A fully grown gorilla is pure muscle, raw power, and terrifying strength. However, the more I sat with the idea, the more my perspective started to shift. Under the right conditions, I actually believe it could be possible.
If you had a group of 100 highly motivated, fearless individuals people who were fully committed to the mission and entirely unafraid of death then yes, I think they could pull it off. Sure, there would be heavy casualties. We would lose some good men along the way. But think about it: one hundred people is a lot of people. Numbers alone can overwhelm even the most powerful opponent, especially if there’s a coordinated strategy.
Now, let’s take it a step further. Imagine if the 100 dudes weren’t just average people, but the biggest, toughest humans on Earth say, every offensive and defensive lineman in the NFL. If we put all of them out there, working together, the gorilla wouldn't stand a chance. It would still be an absolute bloodbath, but sheer size, strength, and determination would eventually win the day.
However, the outcome really hinges on who those hundred dudes are. And that leads us to a much more amusing question: could 100 Barstool Sports employees take down a gorilla? The answer here is extremely simple, no shot. Not even close. We'd get absolutely annihilated. Picture Klemmer leading the charge out there, it's almost laughable. Honestly, when it comes to fighting a gorilla, every single one of us would look like Klemmer to that beast: slow, clumsy, and hilariously overmatched.
In fact, I firmly believe the gorilla would wipe out the entire Barstool office in under thirty minutes, probably sooner. If this were back in the Roman Empire days, I could totally see Dave Portnoy setting up a ridiculous spectacle just to watch us get mauled for entertainment. He’d send every last “dumb employee" myself included out into the arena without a second thought. It would be a bloodbath, and it would be ugly.
Realistically, I don’t even think sending every Barstool employee from both offices combined would make a difference. We'd still be torn apart within the hour. I think I speak for the entire company when I say: we want absolutely no smoke with a gorilla. Not now, not ever.