Make Sure You Head Out To Camden Yards Tomorrow Where The Orioles Will Be Giving Out A Bobblehead Of Their New Owner Who Hasn't Done a Single Thing Since Buying The Team

Icon Sportswire. Getty Images.

Owning a professional sports team is something any mid-20s and up male like myself dreams about. To have so much money in the bank that dropping hundreds of millions, if not billions, on a team isn't even financially irresponsible. Your mid-life crisis purchase to give the back nine of your life purpose is running a team you grew up irrationally shedding blood, sweat, and tears over. Now you are in control. I'd honestly kill for that reality. 

As much as I detest him, Steve Cohen running the show for the team he grew up rooting for is a reality I'll never not be jealous of. You replace owners who were viewed as terrorists and inject the franchise with money and life it's needed for decades. Immediately you become the hero without winning a single thing and it's solely because you aren't the assholes who were doing this before you arrival.

Well, that's what Baltimore native David Rubenstein hoped for after buying the Orioles from the dreaded Angelos family last year for $1.725B. The move was seen as a godsend for the fans as they finally had an ownership group in place that would spend and have them compete with the bigger fish in the American League. Not just that, but new money being injected into the organization meant locking up home grown stars like Gunnar Henderson, Adley Rutschman, Jordan Westburg, and Grayson Rodriguez with long-term extensions. No longer would the fans have to face the reality of their own guys getting poached by the Yankees, Dodgers, and Mets of the world. 

Well, fast forward to the present and the best the Rubenstein group has done so far is sign outfielder Tyler O'Neill. Safe to say not exactly what the fans expected. On top of that they saw bonafide ace Corbin Burnes leave in free agency for the Diamondbacks. With Grayson starting the year on the IL along with Zach Eflin and Kyle Bradish, this is the rotation they're throwing out there right now. 

Not exactly inspiring and it's part of the reason they've started out a sluggish 8-10. Sure Grayson and Eflin will return at some point, but even with them in there, that rotation isn't good enough to contend for the pennant in the AL. Well, if you're not going to spend on pitching then at least get some extensions done with your young bats to excite the fanbase. So far no one has put pen to paper. Things have honestly been operating the same as they were with the Angelos family at the top. 

But there is one thing. One move so drastic, stunning, shocking, and polarizing that it could shake the entire thinking of what it means to be a Baltimore Orioles fan. A shift in direction that would make heads turn all over the place. Something that alerts the baseball world, "We're here and not going anywhere." And guess what, Baltimore? The wait is nearly over. Tomorrow at Camden Yards it's David M. Rubenstein bobblehead night!

Advertisement

I can't imagine Rubenstein consulted with anyone who has a brain about this decision because if he did I assume they would have told him to angle his arm in quite literally any other way as to not give off a certain kind of salute. But that's neither here nor there. The main attraction is the prized bobblehead of a new owner who hasn't done jack shit to turn the tides with a franchise that hasn't won a single playoff game since 2014 and a World Series since 1983. 

But now isn't the time to think about results, it's about sucking the dick of your new owner. Let's get a quick pulse of the fans about this exciting promo. 

Should be a fun one at the park. Can't imagine the excitement of being the lucky few who get the bobblehead of the dude whose net worth is north of $3 billion. That rocks so hard. It's such a narcissistic dickhead move you have to respect it. I think if Hal Steinbrenner announced he was doing one of these the fans would throw them all on the field in protest.