Mike Vrabel's Pre-Draft Presser Should Put the World on Notice the Days of the Patriots Being a Joke are OVER

It's been a while since I've darkened the door of Gillette Stadium. The 2024 season was only slightly less tragic than my personal life was. And I wasn't available for Mike Vrabel's introductory press conference. So with him taking the podium to talk about the draft, it seemed as good a time as any to start the new season off right. So I stopped Porky Piggin' it around Stately Thornton Manor by putting on some actual pants, made sure my hair was on point, and made the journey. I do so much for you, and ask nothing in return. 

And while Vrabel offered many thoughtful, expansive answers to some intelligent questions, the one major takeaway was this. 

The Patriots are BACK. 

The beclowning of this proud franchise is a thing of the past. To borrow a line from the great Carl Spackler, the kidding around is pretty much over and we're playing for keeps now. At least that's how I read it. 

Painful as it is to admit, looking back at the last several drafts of the Belichick Administration and this past season, it's like they were the last days of some lesser Roman emperors. Nero and the Year of the Four Caesars that followed his death. With Vrabel, you get the unmistakable impression this team and those of us who are spiritually invested in it are in the best of hands. Think Vespasian (who had a good run from 69-79 AD) in that clumsy metaphor I just shoehorned into a press conference blog.

The biggest takeaways:

--It would've been nice of Vrabel to lay out a specific plan for a week from Thursday. That way the rest of us spend the night focused on the Celtics playoffs or the next episode of Mobland (Certified Fresh on ThornTomatoes). But full disclosure is never the best strategy when you're trying to maximize your return. What did find out is that there's been no trade talk. Yet:

In my experience, probably a little early for those conversations. A lot of those happen next week as we get a little closer to the draft. I think there's still some preparation and some managing that goes on and the coaches reports. It's probably a little early for some of those conversations to happen.

--As far as taking Red Flag guys with character concerns, the Pats plan on being risk-adverse. No matter how many strong leader types they've signed so far this offseason. But he also conceded you have to deal with shitty people sometimes because talent wins out:

Well, we don't want to take risks. I mean, I think we want to be aggressive. I think there's a difference between taking risks and being aggressive and adding quality players and people to the roster. That'll happen throughout player acquisition. I think that's something that's important, but certainly the talent of the player has to be evaluated first. Then you go through a lot of different exercises and conversations and just try to figure out the type of person. You can't win and you can't do what we want to do with just a bunch of good dudes. That's not going to get it done. 

I think [the goal is] to add as many quality players and quality people. You want to come out of it with some starters.

--Without admitting he gets the final say, Vrabel suggested he gets the final say. But with the Advice and Consent of the rest of his executive branch:

We're excited about where we were in free agency and Eliot [Wolf], myself, Ryan [Cowden], Matt [Groh] and Cam [Williams]. I want to thank all of them for their efforts thus far, the scouts. I've always enjoyed sitting down with them, asking them questions. … I'm getting around to that between coaching and personnel. The longer that I do this, I always see that there's players that the personnel side may really like, and there's players that the coaching staff may covet for different reasons. My job, Eliot's job and Ryan's job is to bridge that gap. Then to come up with a player that we feel like is best for our football team at that particular level.

--He didn't say it in so many words, but confirmed what we've often heard, that stats are for losers. And he showed his receipt:

Some of them maybe were more productive in the NFL than they were in college. That's always one that I have to really focus on and ask why. Maybe it's a different scheme. … I just go back to Danielle Hunter, right? I always use this example. I watched him at LSU. He wasn't very productive by numbers, but he tested well, and he had the height, the weight and the speed. Certainly, when you look at what he's done in the National Football League, it's been very impressive.

--He also strongly hinted that what we've all assumed is true. That while Abdul Carter is a rare talent he'd love to have fall to him at 4:

I would say that the tape is dynamic. There's a lot of great qualities of a disruptive pass rusher. Very slippery, loose, sudden player. It was a fun tape to watch.

… we're probably going to get the left tackle we desperately need:

I think there's some starting tackles that certainly will come in and start in the NFL. I think that that's really what you start to look for, impact players. … That's where you weigh all the circumstances and end up making that pick. Do I think that there are starters in this draft that left tackle? Yes, I do.

--But however Picks 1-3 shake out, they'll be ready. Because they've been War Gaming all the possible scenarios:

We're in the process of going through what everybody calls these simulations, and that's been and will continue to be good exercises. It's just running scenarios and what we would do based on those scenarios. So, to say that we have a definitive answer on those scenarios, no, but those are processes that are ongoing, and we'll be done here shortly. 

--And I think I identified his core belief system, boiled down to one quote:

My fervent wish is that the result of all this is a series of picks that - and I don't think this is too much to ask, so bear with me here - MAKE SENSE. That's it. Make it so we can all see the logic of every selection from the 4th through the 238th and everywhere in between. How these guys will actually turn out, no one can tell without a time machine or actual time. 

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All I'm asking for is that next week, they use their nine picks in a way that we can all comprehend. No more wild swings and misses on defensive backs who are made of popsicle sticks (Ras-I Dowling, Rd 2, 33rd overall in 2011) or no one has ever heard of (Tavon Wilson, 2.48 in 2012). No more taking the very first prospect that ESPN doesn't have a highlight package for (K Justin Rohrwasser, 5.159 in 2020). No D2 guard and makes Sean McVay laugh at the mention of his name (Cole Strange 1.29, 2022). In other words, no reaches, hunches, or favors to some college coach who highly recommended him over a stack of buttermilks at a Waffle House somewhere. And no one, but no one, who's going to commit homicide, but that goes with out saying. And of course would require that time machine, in spite of what all the Captain Hindsights have been saying. 

To that end, I couldn't feel more confident that the right head coach is currently in place to make all the common sense decisions, not get cute about things, and build around the few great assets we've gotten in the last couple of drafts. Like Vrabel said, there's lots more work to be done between now and Green Bay. And I vow to keep grinding on my end. But I could not be feeling better about our chances. It's good to be back.