A Minecraft Movie Isn't That Bad But A Woman In The Yard Is Horrible
Victor Chavez. Shutterstock Images.It took a few months but we finally have our first blockbuster movie of 2025: A Minecraft Movie. It will pass Captain America: Brave New World as the #1 movie of the year by Friday. It's also one of the best movies I saw last week in what was a bucket of shit at the theaters.
A Minecraft Movie has no interest in being taken seriously. It's a stupid movie that knows it is stupid. Having said that, that is an easier way out than actually making something good. But, it does also show self-awareness. That ability makes this an entertaining movie at times.
Jason Momoa completely understands the task at hand and has a lot of fun with it. This is directed by Jared Hess, who also directed Napoleon Dynamite. You see some of that same absurdist humor here and it's the best part of the movie. This also looks great. It's all CGI but because the game has all these weird, square characters, it is unique enough to really stand out. It's no accident that the two best kids movies this year both do wonders with animation (this and Dogman).
I've seen enough Jack Black to last generations. But, I do have to give him some credit. He never even takes a line off. He's the worst part of this movie because he's always selling every joke so hard...but at least he's trying?
I can't recommend this to a general audience because the plot is so thin. Four people need to go back to the real world from the Minecraft world. That's the movie. But it does have enough interesting (and even at times funny) elements that make this far from bad.
A Minecraft Movie: C+
Woman In The Yard is a movie that is so dedicated to its title that it's the entirety of the first 45 minutes. There is a woman in the yard (seated no less) that gets progressively closer to a house. That's the first 45 minutes of an 85 minute movie. You're looking at a woman in a chair in a yard.
The last half is a depressing look at grief that goes in a direction that is inexcusable. I don't know if offensive is even the right word.
I almost forgot to mention the 10-15 minutes of dream sequences that have no real bearing on what's actually happening in the story. There isn't enough story here to fill a 30 minute Twilight Zone episode. Also, the major fight scene happens with literally a flashlight shining right in your face. I wish I was kidding.
Blumhouse should be ashamed to release a movie that mixes absolute nothingness with a bizarre and disturbing (and pointless) finish.
Woman In The Yard: F
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You've seen movies like The Penguin Lessons dozens of times. Grumpy guy much to his disapproval ends up with a pet or a kid or some non-adult thing and learns the value of love. That formula was nice in Turner & Hooch. 30 years later, it's exhausted.
To the movie's credit, it's not bad. It's shot well enough and Steve Coogan is a humorous enough lead. It's just that familiarity breeds contempt. Jonathan Pryce, who is a very talented actor, is a walking cartoon character here.
The real penguin lesson that I'll take from this movie is that these formulaic movies help no one. Take a fucking chance and try something creative. This is the kind of movie that I'll forget 6 weeks after I've seen it. But you know what? I kind of think that was the whole point. That's too bad.
The Penguin Lessons: C
The Friend mixes in the tired plot point I just talked about in The Penguin Lessons of someone getting a pet they don't want but fall in love with anyway with these supposed wry and and overeducated New Yorkers that are also painfully selfish. I'm a dog person who lives in New York and I still hated this movie!
This stars Naomi Watts as this single woman who was friends with Bill Murray and inherits a Great Dane after he dies. It's impressive that they managed to turn these two charismatic actors into empty shells of people you can't wait to get away from. I despised everyone in this movie except the dog and a building super.
There is also some weird judgement about suicide that I found pretty shitty. The movie seems to want to cast blame on Murray's character for leaving the dog at home while he killed himself there. The movie doesn't have the understanding that people committing that act aren't in a normal mental state. Murray's character clearly loved the dog. Leave it at that.
The Friend is a predictable movie about people that think they are so bright. To me, these are a group of egoistical people that are doing so much less for society then the building super, who is the real star of the film.
The Friend: D
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If you are looking for the story of Jesus, you could do much worse than The Chosen. As I reviewed in Part 1, I'm not religious and not the intended audience. But that certainly does not mean I didn't care for this.
The best part of this is Jonathan Roumie, who plays Jesus. His inner turmoil of knowing he is going to his death but not wanting to die is very compelling. I enjoyed this more than Part 1 because it dialed back the comedy as the storyline got more intense. Also, while some of the acting uneven here, the actor playing Judas does a nice job.
I was worried this would be much worse when I sat down and started watching these and it certainly has exceeded my expectations. I find myself not dreading seeing Part 3 next week.
The Last Supper Part 2: C
2025
1)Presence
2)Black Bag
3)Novocaine
4)Death of A Unicorn
5)The Damned
6)One Of Them Days
7)Paddington 3
8)Valiant One
9)Rule Breakers
10)Heart Eyes
11)Mickey 17
12)Last Breath
13)Flight Risk
14)A MINECRAFT MOVIE
15)Den Of Thieves 2
16)Dogman
17)Companion
18)A Working Man
19)The Alto Knights
20)THE PENGUIN LESSONS
21)THE CHOSEN PART 2
22)Looney Tunes
23)Opus
24)Becoming Led Zeppelin
25)Captain America: BNW
26)The Chosen Part 1
27)Riff Raff
28)Inheritance
29)Night Of The Zoopocalypse
30)Ash
31)THE FRIEND
32)The Unbreakable Boy
33)Brave The Dark
34)Wolf Man
35)The Monkey
36)Love Hurts
37)The Last Supper
38)WOMAN IN THE YARD
39)In The Lost Lands