Fuck I Should Have Thought of That: Two Men Are Suing OnlyFans Because They Found Out They Weren't Actually DM'ing with OnlyFans Models

(visual depiction of the situation using South Park GIFs)

404 Media - Two former OnlyFans subscribers are suing the platform in a class-action lawsuit, claiming that they were defrauded because creators allegedly weren’t interacting directly with them, but were instead employing agencies to “impersonate” the models they thought they were speaking to.

The plaintiffs, M. Brunner and J. Fry, both from Illinois, claim that they thought the creators they subscribed to—some of whom have hundreds of thousands of subscribers—were talking to them in direct messages and video clips. Both also say that if they’d known they weren’t speaking directly to the creators themselves, they wouldn’t have subscribed, or would have paid less to subscribe. If OnlyFans stopped creators from using agencies to talk to fans they would consider going back to spending money on the platform, they say.

I've long desired to earn a large sum of money without putting forth much effort at all. Ideally, I would fall through a NYC subway grate, break one leg, and be swarmed by gang of rats so I can tack on a couple extra million in trauma money when I sue the city. But you can't sue just anyone. It's unbecoming to take a small business, or an individual person worth less than at least a couple million to the cleaners (unless they've really wronged you). But a billion dollar company like OnlyFans? Who makes money in the porn industry? Without even doing the porn themselves? By just skimming 20% off the top of every porn star who uses their platform? Please. I can't think of a company who's money I would feel better about taking for a petty reason.

So when I saw this headline, I was kicking myself. It's so obvious. It's so fucking obvious, and it was staring us right in the face. But we didn't even consider it. Of course the OnlyFans star  clearing hundreds of thousands of dollars per month isn't personally responding to her own DM's. You'd have to be an idiot to think she was. You make fun of people who think that. It never even crossed my mind to sue OnlyFans for it. I kinda think the plaintiffs in this case would have a better case going after the models themselves. But they're not looking for a small pay day. They're fishing with dynamite. Big game hunting. If they can catch a bag from the OnlyFans parent corporation… that's fair play if you ask me. GG's to them. 

I originally thought these dudes were definitely just trying to catch OnlyFans with their pants down (no pun intended) and make a quick buck from a settlement. But after reading the article, one particular quote made me actually feel bad for them..

“Plaintiff Fry created an account primarily in order to engage in friendly conversations with models and share photographs of his cooking creations,” the complaint says. Fry alleges that he “began to become suspicious of who he was actually communicating” when he started getting contradicting information and errors in messages

Fuck, man. Poor guy. That's the most innocent, wholesome, sad, and overwhelmingly lonely thing I've ever read. J. Fry just wanted someone… anyone (as long as they're smoking hot with nice tits) to share his cooking creations with. How betrayed he must have felt when he learned the Catch Me Outside girl from Dr. Phil didn't personally think his soufflé was "gorg xoxo". That the whole time he was conversing with another equally sad man working for an agency who works for the Catch Me Outside girl from Dr. Phil. Or even worse… he was sharing his recipes with AI. 

Pretty pathetic of this "pretending to be porn stars" agency that they couldn't even keep a simple horny baking conversation going without contradicting themselves. You know how bad you have to be for a guy like J. Fry to break kayfabe in his own mind? The last thing in the world men of J. Fry's ilk want to do is consider that the OnlyFans model they're DM'ing desserts to isn't really the girl from the pictures. You have to be exceptionally bad at DM-acting to completely snap a J. Fry out of his boner. To the point that he files a whole ass lawsuit. Horrible work by this agency. 

Or maybe the Plaintiffs just knew this was easy money and are feigning loneliness to make a quick buck. Could go either way. But regardless, I think they have a case. At least against someone. Idk what all it says in the OnlyFans fine print, but charging people "x" amount of money for the privilege of DM'ing with you. Blatantly advertising that YOU are the one responding to the DM's. Then paying some agency do it. At minimum it's very unethical. I think J. Fry and M. Brunner are gone walk away with some money here one way or another. They might even flip the OnlyFans world on its head. If OnlyFans models have to start responding to DM's themselves… that makes their jobs… well… more like jobs. Good for these men. I hope you make enough money in the lawsuit to buy yourself a real life woman.