Using Torpedo Bats Is Like Dudes Taking A Dick Pill

I don’t understand why the sports world is in an uproar over the Yankees using torpedo bats. Why does it matter if they add more girth to the most crucial part of the bat? This controversy seems blown out of proportion. It’s similar to when guys take a Roman spark—sure, the pill isn’t increasing length, but it’s enhancing the part that truly matters. The goal isn’t just to make contact; it’s to maximize performance where it counts. 

Think about it—standing in the batter’s box with a bat that’s only effective at the tip isn’t sustainable. No one steps up to the plate hoping for weak, inconsistent contact. Every player wants solid, powerful hits that send the ball flying. Why wouldn’t you want the part of the bat that makes the most impact to have the most wood? Strength, after all, comes from within, sometimes we just need a little boost to show off our strength.

Beyond the technical aspect, baseball has always been a game of innovation. From corked bats to steroids, players and teams constantly look for ways to gain an edge. Some of these enhancements are deemed illegal, while others fall into a gray area until formally addressed by the league. The use of torpedo bats should be viewed through the same lens. Are they truly an unfair advantage, or are they simply the next evolution in the sport? If they enhance performance without violating the rules, shouldn’t the conversation be about adaptation rather than outrage?

At the end of the day, baseball is about results. Fans love home runs, teams love winning, and players strive to improve. If a bat modification helps achieve those goals without compromising the integrity of the game, then who cares? If you can take a pill to turn your dick from a mush noodle into an iron rod, then why can’t you adjust the bat to hit bombs?