Grading the Ultimate Dudes Awesome Things Draft

First of all, this rocks. An Excel sheet filled with 108 cells of just the best things about being alive as a dude. It's a celebration of life, really.

I don't remember the last thing I randomly saw on the internet that got me this fired up. The feelings I had going through this list must be what Kiper and McShay feel like on NFL Draft night. Let's get into it.

DRAFT WINNER: Team A

Team A's general manager needs to be inducted into the Hall of Fame for this performance. This guy walked out of there with LeBron, prime Fortnite, blowjobs, wings, playing catch with your dad, the beach and that one friend's basement. That's a late 90s/early 2000s Colts run of first round picks.

DRAFT LOSER: TEAM C

There are three great teams on here and then there's Team C. The Round 4-6 stretch of little league sports, Joey Chestnut and waking up drunk with the kinds of things still left on the board is abysmal. He locked in for a minute starting with The Masters, but then went right back to his old tricks and threw out some more nominees for a category coming up later.

BEST PICK: FIRST DAY OF MARCH MADNESS

I don't even know how one could possibly choose the best pick on a board like this, but allow me to offer an explanation for why I think this one fits the bill. Boobs and blowjobs were obviously in contention, but I decided the top pick in the Dudes Rock Draft had to involve exclusively dudes. And the first day of the NCAA Tournament combines many other great picks from the draft: wings, sports betting, potentially that one friend's basement, etc.

WORST PICK: CLAYMORES

You could take your pick of plenty of things from Team C, but claymore is the most egregious. You've never seen a claymore. You're trying way too hard to say shit that sounds cool when there are still actually great things still on the board.

BEST VALUE PICK: NCAA 14 (ROUND 26)

This is just insane. It would have been perfectly defensible for NCAA 14 to be the first overall pick in this draft. In fact, I'd assert that it should have been. It's the best sports video game of all-time and has produced times with the boys that have not been rivaled before or since.

TOP 10 PICKS:

NCAA 14

Wings

Boobs

Dogs

CBS college football theme song

2012 Johnny Manziel

That one friend's basement

Throwback jerseys

High school Friday nights

MLB games in person