OH NO BUFFALO: New Year Same Choke!
It’s a story as old as time—one that stretches back even to when I was just an idea floating in my dad's balls. I call this story The Buffalo Bills Versus the Big Game. As everyone knows, making it to the Super Bowl is no small feat, let alone winning it. Even returning in consecutive years is a monumental challenge. Achieving a three-peat? Makes you a dynasty. Now, imagine making it to the Super Bowl four years in a row and not winning a single one. What sounds like a nightmare to most fans is a cold, hard reality for Buffalo Bills supporters across the country.
Sure, Bills fans can boast about their ability to take over Hard Rock Stadium or “owning” the Miami Dolphins. But if that’s the pinnacle of their achievements, what does it say about them? At the end of the day, those victories are mere consolation prizes in a league that measures success in Lombardi trophies. Dolphins fans, although we are constantly abused both mentally and physically, can at least point to two Super Bowl titles in our history. Even if I wasn’t alive to witness them, some Dolphins fans were. There isn’t a single Bills fan alive today or EVER who can say they’ve seen their team crowned Super Bowl champions. That loser gene it etched into their DNA.
Fast forward to 2017, when the Buffalo Bills traded away the 10th overall pick in the NFL Draft to the Kansas City Chiefs. With that pick, Kansas City selected Patrick Mahomes—a player who has since become the undisputed daddy of the Bills. While Buffalo ended up with Josh Allen, a fucking stud, Mahomes has already secured three Super Bowl victories. And what does Josh Allen have? An impressive record against the Dolphins, sure, but who gives a fuck?
Last night was a perfect encapsulation of what it means to be the Buffalo Bills. They had the game in their hands, their destiny within their grasp, and they let it all slip away. Literally.
Part of me genuinely feels bad for the amazing people I’ve met in Buffalo; they are passionate, loyal, and deserving of so much more. But as a Bills hater, I can’t help but jump at the opportunity to dance on their grave. And here I am again in January, tap shoes on, taking yet another piss on the Buffalo Bills grave. It’s a tale as old as time. No matter how good the team looks, no matter how promising the season seems, they will always find a way to implode.
In my opinion, the Buffalo Bills are nothing more than a glorified version of the Miami Dolphins. The difference? While the Dolphins lose in the first round, the Bills manage to delay the heartbreak by bowing out in the championship round. The pain hits later, but it cuts just as deep—if not deeper.
So to all the Bills fans out there, I have to ask: Are you really surprised? Or is it time to accept who you and your team truly are? The sooner you embrace the inevitability of disappointment, the easier it becomes to endure. After all, some stories never change.
