Jerry Jones Announced The Hiring Of Brian Schottenheimer As The New Head Coach Of The Cowboys With The Most Fitting Quote Ever

Clem1/25/2025 3:47 AM

How. Bout. Dem. Cowboys?!?!? Dallas fans were already sad enough reading this news as they sat in the front row of the strip club with their chain out while dripping in cologne. But Jerry Jones throwing that quote in there poured salt in the wound like the finest $10 of bubbly in the champagne room.

Brian Schottenheimer is officially no longer Brian, the lowly career assistant. No, no, no. He is now Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys Schottenheimer (I think he gets to keep his last name), which means he has to eat as much shit as the Jones family will shovel into his mouth and smile. Actually I don't recall much smiling from Jason Garrett or Mike McCarthy during their time in Big D (haha Big D). They mostly walked around with lifeless eyes after a while, fueled only by the notoriety that comes with being the head coach of the most famous team in football.

Ironically Brian's dad was known for being a coach that crushed the regular season but unfortunately always came up short in the playoffs, usually in heartbreaking fashion. That kinda has become the Cowboys brand in the 21st century for better or worse (indisputably better for 31 fanbases and worse for 1).

Unfortunately for that one fanbase, I'm not sure if Brian has that type of ceiling based on his resume.

Did Jerruh do it again or did Jerruh do it again? Only time will tell but this was easily the most Cowboys hire possible, which is why I can't wait to see how it all pans out.