Dumping Them Out: Monday MILF Madness

NOTE: If you were subjected to this blog for the brief period of time where the GIF's were removed. I am so sorry. I feel terrible I put people through that. There might be somebody sabotaging Dumping Them Out from within. Something to keep an eye on.

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. Sorry this is being posted on a Monday. Hopefully this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. Hopefully later this year when my contract is up, Dave Portnoy won't look me in the eye half-paying attention ask me over the phone what exactly I do for Barstool Sports. And at some point during that conversation, I tell him with a straight face that he should continue paying me a living wage because every Sunday I post roughly 1,000 words & 10-15 boob GIF's. Then Dave will say, "But what about Sunday, January 12th? I see no Boob GIF's on the blog that day" 

Then I'd have to explain how I was going to finish the blog after dinner, but ate too much pot roast and had to lay down, then I accidentally fell asleep and when I woke up I was like… shit… it's kinda too late to do this now. Guess I have no choice but to do "Dumping Them Out: Monday MILF Madness".

Looks like the United States TikTok ban might actually go through. I can't believe we got to this point. When the news first broke that this was a possibility, I thought there was a 0% chance it would ever actually happen. I thought it would be one of those news stories that just kinda went away. But I guess our government really doesn't want China to have all our personal information. I was fine with it. China hasn't given me any reason to not trust them. They've always given me fair portion sizes for reasonable prices. The movie Rush Hour was a staple of my childhood. I've never understood their refusal to embrace the fork, but using chopsticks doesn't make them bad people. I'm sure they wouldn't do anything nefarious with all my banking information and social security number.

TikTok going away might actually be a good thing for me. It'll suck for some of my co-workers who've built a following on there. But if TikTok refuses to sell to a trustworthy American like Mr. Wonderful, then eventually someone is going to have to create a new American version of TikTok. They can call it TruthTok. If that happens, then I can get in on the ground floor as one of those guys who reads the news on a green screen. I really should be doing that already. I spend so much time writing these long ass blogs on whatever the viral news story of the day is. But nobody wants to actually read anymore. They just want the floating head of a man with a camera way too close to his face to read them a minute long summation of what happened in yesterday's episode of Beast Games. 

But if TikTok disappears, I will be sad that I can no longer keep up with Indian kid hunger games. Indian kid hunger games is the fastest growing sport in the world. I can't get enough. 

Muzamil is currently on a historic, 90's Chicago Bulls type of run. He's unquestionably the goat of Indian kid hunger games. On top of that, he's a great kid. Always respectful of his competition. Abides by the rules of Indian kid hunger games. Frequently shares his winnings with his hungry, less talented friends. Muzamil's parents have done one hell of a job raising a fine young man. But Mr. Greedy on the other hand… Mr. Greedy is out of control. He must be stopped. He's always bullying the younger kids out of their spots in line. Sneaking in after the game to steal food from the rightful winner. He downright cheats in the games. And he'll look at you and smile as he does it.

Muzamil = GOAT, Mr. Greedy = BAN. It's going to be devastating when TikTok disappears and I won't know which small Indian child (or one of the two adults) won a gigantic chicken sandwich that day. It kills me that I might not be there for the inevitable downfall of Mr. Greedy. I know the TikTok app won't just disappear on January 19th. We'll still be able to use it for a while. But we won't be able to update it anymore. Which means eventually we'll get to the point where TikTok is unusable without the latest update. And I'll have nowhere to watch smiley happy Indian kids throw darts at balloons to earn their dinner.

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So maybe it's a good thing TikTok is going away. As the old saying goes, "When you find yourself wishing bad things on children on the other side of the planet because you don't like the way he plays a kid's game, it's time to get rid of the app you're doing that on."

I am in desperate need of a book.