For Immediate Release: Team Portnoy's Statement On This Week Of Surviving Barstool

For Immediate Release:

Throughout the years, the Gods have blessed us with many great times to be a Team Portnoy member and a “Go Pres Go” chanter. Buying Barstool back for $1. Winning the US Open at Shinnecock. Henry “Big Teeth” Blodget getting fired from Business Insider. The list goes on and on. 

At times, you can begin to feel numb to all the winning. It becomes expected and you can fail to appreciate the greatness we’ve been blessed with. That’s why we wanted to make sure everyone takes a step back, takes a deep breath, and fully soaks in what an amazing week it’s been to witness Dave Portnoy’s work during the Pink Wedding on Surviving Barstool. 

Now getting to root for Dave and see him reach the Final 6 would be satisfying enough. A nice little treat for us all! But watching how the players he eliminated are handling themselves is even sweeter. The tears running down their cheeks are plentiful enough to fill the harbor outside Portnoy’s $42 million Nantucket home. The drool falling from these former athletes' mouths as they try to comprehend what happened to them is plentiful enough to fill the ocean outside Portnoy’s $14 million Miami home. Soak this all in. We deserve it, fellas. 

Take a scroll through the Twitter feeds of Ryan Whitney, Taylor Lewan, Kirk Minihane, and Will “CTE” Compton and you may be able to pleasure yourself to completion. “He’s like Putin! It’s not fair!” yells Ryan Whitney, as he looks up from his coloring book. “We only lost because our contracts are up! It’s bullshit!” screeches Will Compton as he carefully arranges his ABC blocks in the almost correct order. “Game no fair to us!” mumbles Taylor Lewan, as he pounds his chest and shoves a piece of raw meat in his mouth. 

It’s a sad scene for some once proud men. But it’s a scene we must enjoy. Because moments like this only come around so often. Appreciate what’s in front of you. And as always, Go Pres Go! 

-Team Portnoy