Is It Gay To Mouth Kiss Your Bro on His Wedding Day?

Weddings are so damn emotional. The happy couple puts in months, sometimes years, of meticulous planning into this one ultra-important night. Spent money they don't have. Obsessed over every little aspect to make sure that the celebration they're throwing for themselves is perfect down to the last detail. There's so much on the line. It's the first night of the rest of their lives. If something goes wrong, and their marriage gets off on a gay foot, the relationship could be doomed forever.

Couples always think it's smooth sailing once they make it through the ceremony. But just because your husband's ex didn't burst through the door and confess her dying love when the officiant asked the audience if anyone objects doesn't mean you're in the clear. Alcohol hasn't even been introduced into the equation yet. The most dangerous part comes at the end of the night. The drinks are flowing. Your regular sized husband has his guard down. It's at that moment when his sweaty-chested friend is liable to go rouge and shove his whole ass tongue down your brand new life partner's throat.

I'll go ahead and address the elephant in the room. The bride is a little person. It took me a second to realize it as well. At first I thought she was so shocked by what was happening that she fell to the floor. But what I originally thought was a bride falling to her knees in horror over what she was witnessing was actually her hopping down off a chair to attack the man frenching her fabulous husband. Which begs a question... A question I hate to bring up, but simply can't proceed without asking... Is the groom at this wedding a gay man marrying a little person as a beard?

I'm sorry. I don't want to jump to conclusions. I especially don't want to imply that a little person and an average sized person can't fall in love and live happily ever after. I know it happens all the time. And I don't know a thing about this couple's relationship. But I do know this is not the first time those two gentleman have kissed. That wasn't a fun, friendly kiss between a couple of bros. He ran his hand up the groom's leg and brushed his penis. He grabbed the back of his head and pulled him tight. The groom kissed him back. To me, that looked like a kiss of passion between forbidden lovers. This is the look of a man who knows something terrible as just happened.

But relationships are complex. Sexuality is a spectrum. What we're watching here isn't necessarily a bride finding out that her husband his gay at their wedding reception. This man could very well be bi-sexual. The bride very well may know this. But that doesn't mean it's appropriate for his friend to step in between the couple mid-dance and suck his face in front of all your guests. You gotta exercise some self control there. No matter how full and beautiful his lips are looking that night. Unless you're the one marrying him, it's uncouth to make out with the groom on his wedding day. 

I'd like to attend a wedding like this some day. I don't want to see it happen to someone I love. But if one day a high school friend of my wife gets married, and it's one of those weddings where I don't know anybody. If I'm at a wedding like that and the bride gets caught making out with another man in the bathroom and all hell breaks loose. That would fucking rule. I'd love to experience a chaos wedding at least once. I need to find some less stable friends.