Dumping Them Out: Official 2025 Bingo Card
Welcome back to the 2024 Dumping Them Out Finale. Every year on Twitter people talk about what they didn't have on their yearly bingo card.
"I didn't have Donald Trump getting shot in the head on my 2024 bingo card"
"I didn't have the Indiana Hoosiers making the college football playoffs and becoming the most despised team in organized sports on my 2024 bing card"
"I didn't have a girl going viral for making a blow job joke and parlaying her fame into a multi-million dollar cryptocurrency scam on my 2024 bingo card."
Kinda weird how nobody ever mentions what they had on their bingo card. Usually on the internet people lie about things they did predict. But for whatever reason when it comes to bingo cards, people only ever point out their misses. The problem is that nobody ever has the balls to release their yearly bingo card before the start of the New Year. That changes today. Here is my official 2025 bingo card. I'm just gonna list everything and randomly put the card together at the end.
Detroit Lions are eliminated from playoffs due to overly aggressive Dan Campbell play call
- Seems like that's bound to happen. Especially now that everyone is hurt.
The Costco Guys (A.J. & Big Justice) will host a premier awards show
- I'm going to be extremely liberal with the word "premier" if this happens. Really just need to get those guys on the stage of any auditorium.
Timothee Chalamet is arrested for a sex crime
- It's never the guys you expect. Well that's not true. It's pretty often the guys you expect. Like Russell Brand. That guy is a walking sex crime. But sometimes you get guys like Bill Cosby.
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Original $HAWK coin investors will 10x their money
- It's a marathon not a sprint. Have faith in Hawk Tuah. Once the $HAWK team gets their offices up and running in the Cayman Islands, $HAWK is going to take off.
Bronny James gets NBA Playoff minutes
- He's gotta catch fire from 3. That's all you need to play in the NBA anymore. If the Lakers get some injuries at the end of the season, maybe Bronny slips in there.
We never get an answer on the New Jersey drones
- Gotta put one in here that I'll definitely get. The number of sightings are already dying down. No chance we ever get a satisfying answer.
Bill Belichick makes the college football playoffs
- I was going to put "Bill Belichick quits coaching North Carolina midway through the season", but I decided to be positive. You got this Bill.
Taylor Swift releases an original Christmas album
- She should really do this. If she put maximum effort into a 10-15 song Christmas album of all original songs, not only would it do crazy numbers, but she'd cement herself in Christmas history.
January 6th declared a National Holiday
- Would be a pretty funny move by Trump
Tiger Woods joins LIV Tour to captain team with his son Charlie
- Playing team golf with your son would be an awesome thing to do. You saw how much fun he had playing in the father-son tournament that they rig for Bernhard Langer every year. Maybe he wants to take the Tiger & Charlie show on Saudi Arabian tour.
Big Cat wins a 50/50 raffle
- He beyond due. I think he's already spent more money on 50/50 raffle tickets than he would win if he hit one. 2025 is his year.
Aaron Rodgers gets covid vaccine
- He's the only person in America still talking about it. He's clearly reeling. And mentally unwell. He spent his entire offseason smoking crack in Peru. He's bound to have a drastic change in mindset and change his beliefs entirely for some stupid fucking reason any time now.
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Elon Musk will be banished from Trump's inner circle
- It seems extremely likely that Trump eventually gets so annoyed with him.
World of T-Shirts gets sober
- I've never believed in something happening less, but it would be really awesome if that happened
Indianapolis Colts fire their Head Coach and GM
- Trying to speak this into existence
Nicotine drinks & nicotini bars become hot new trend
- I just learned that nicotine drinks aka nicotini's exist. Once recovering alcoholic hipsters find out about this they're going to go nuts.
NFL announces new London team
- The players are going to hate it. Imagine being traded to London. Gross.
Sister Jean doesn't die
- I originally had "Jimmy Carter doesn't die", but he died before I could finish the blog. Not joking.
Antonio Brown becomes a Nazi
- He's a bump on the head away from aggressive anti-semitism. Do not let him get his hands on a copy of Mein Kampf.
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The Rizzler will make an appearance on SNL
- Not played by Peter Dinklage. The Rizzler himself will be in an SNL sketch. He might even host the show.
Dick Vitale beats cancer
- Would be the 5th time
Fireman Ed gets banned from MetLife Stadium
- He won't shut up about the Jets not showing him on the Jumbotron enough. He's going to do something stupid in protest (start a riot, call in a bomb threat if Fireman Ed isn't issued a public apology, etc.) that will result in him being banned from MetLife permanently
LeBron James authors a book
- Not an autobiography. Like a fiction book about a basketball playing super hero who drinks wine and is a really good & cool dad
New gender drops
- Pretty self explanatory