That's Enough Internet For Today
Every now and again, I catch myself hunched over my phone with the posture of a fucking jumbo shrimp as I am furiously 'doom-scrolling' until I find something so odd that it makes me question the future of this world.
Typically, the posts that stop me dead in my tracks are sexual in nature, and sometimes they are not sexual at all. But no matter what they are, they are always weird enough to make me wonder- Why the fuck does this even exist?
Today, that question arose when I bumped into Trinkets by Amanda Booth.
I don't know the size of this company's operation, and I don't even know if Amanda is a real person. Still, for this blog, I will treat it as if Amanda is in the office every day, creating non-traditional trinkets for eager customers.
This blog will not attack Amanda, and there are certainly some positives for a small business being mentioned on Barstool because our platform has a (potentially) greater reach than any other marketing she has done either on or off social media... So without being too abrasive, I have to ask- Who the fuck is buying what Amanda Booth is selling?
And if you haven't clicked on her link already, lemme give you a nickel tour of what her biz is all about.
Trinkets by Amanda Booth creates one-of-a-kind pieces of jewelry that can incorporate almost anything from breastmilk, cremated remains (ashes), hair, animal fur, dried umbilical cord, dried placenta, grave dirt, dried flowers, strips of cloth, or semen.
And although there are a couple of options in the above description that are disturbing ("grave dirt"?), it's that last one... SEMEN... that made me shake my damn head.
Apparently, Amanda somehow dries your cum, pulverizes it into a fine powder, and then incorporates that powder into a clay molded to whatever shape you desire… The most popular option appears to be something called a "Cummy Bear".
The semen creations are referred to as "Jizzy Jewelry" and they're marketed thusly…
Whether you are marking your fertility journey, getting a vasectomy gift, surprising your partner, or just want to be that much closer we can turn your jizz into a real gem!
We love being inclusive over in the Trinkets world so both male and female jizz can be used! (BUT YOU MUST PROVIDE YOUR OWN SAMPLES).
Again, that whole sales pitch is engaging, but it's the last part that was particularly interesting "YOU MUST PROVIDE YOUR OWN SAMPLE"… As opposed to what?… Maybe spitting your special somebody's man-milk into a Ziploc and surprising them with a one-of-a-kind Hannukah gift?
Might be a good idea for some, but personally, I'd prefer you just swallow it down so we can catch the 8:15 showing of Wicked.
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Also, "both male and female jizz can be used"?
I've made it over 50 years spinning around this mortal coil not knowing how the female anatomy works… I think I'll spend the remaining handful of days I have left without knowing EXACTLY (because I have the same guesses that you do) what Amanda means by "female jizz".
I've said enough, and now it's up to you to research further for that relative or office Secret Santa that might enjoy a dick necklace, vagina earrings, or a scented butthole pendant.
I hope Amanda makes millions off of her creativity… And I hope this silly blog drives traffic to her site or maybe throws more of her posts into the algo… But I am also blocking her from all my timelines because I am not in her core demographic and I've truly had enough of the internet for today.
Take a report.
-Large
Here is a more wholesome social media post for those who could use a palate cleanser…
TAR
-L