Imagine NOT Making Jon Gruden's Team? Couldn't Be Me!

Coach Gruden is the newest member of the pirate ship, and he wasted no time getting down to business. Today on the Yak, Big Cat had the ENTIRE office line up in front of Coach Gruden to try out for his team. Not to toot my own horn, but I knew I’d make the team before I even stepped in line. Mainly because I’m from Broward County, and any football coach who knows the game knows you don’t turn down an athlete from Broward. As far as I’m concerned, it goes Bosa brothers, Calvin Ridley, Jerry Jeudy, Anthony Rizzo, and then Nicky Smokes.

Besides being one of Broward’s finest, Coach Gruden already knows what I bring to the field. Back in the day, he was actually one of the coaches at a 7-on-7 tournament I played in at the University of South Florida. 

And yes, of course, I scored a touchdown in that game—it's just what I do. I’m one of the greatest suburban athletes to ever lace ’em up. Honestly, if I had even a little speed, I’d probably be in the pros. Alright, maybe that’s stretching it, but the point stands: I made the team. Meanwhile, others like Big T and Jersey Jerry will be watching from the sidelines.

I couldn’t believe Big T got cut. In life, they say you only get one shot, and Big T shot a blank. I mean, how do you wear a size 17 shoe and not make the team as an offensive lineman? If there’s one thing I know, it’s that Big T will be working on his three-point stance for the rest of his life.

As for Jersey Jerry, his cut was no shocker. Gruden isn’t here for clicks; he wants to win games. And you simply can’t win with a 5’5” fullback who has an 8-inch vertical. Sorry, Jerry, but those are the breaks.

To everyone who didn’t get their name called—better luck next year! 

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Catch the full YAK here: