Brandon Johnson Would Be A Terrible GM
Mayor Brandon Johnson on Wednesday will propose Chicago’s largest property tax hike in almost a decade as part of his $17.3 billion budget plan for next year.
The $300 million increase that would hit Chicago homeowners, landlords and other property owners is a major flip-flop from Johnson’s campaign vow not to employ the widely unpopular, and often politically toxic, revenue-raising tactic.
It is also one his team justified as necessary in order to balance a projected $982.4 million shortfall in 2025...
I know we don't specialize in political discourse per se so I'll keep this more on the financial side of things.
This is like finding out your GM just gave $100,000,000 to Carl Pavano and you're all pissed off but have no recourse to tell your GM that he sucks. So you pout to yourself and loved ones while anger festers deep and free.
That's how Chicagoans should feel about a $300M whack to property taxes from maybe/definitely the worst GM in the history of Chicago: Brandon Johnson. And I don't want to shit on him too much because it's a hard job, but boy does this guy suck brick.
In unveiling his second budget proposal as mayor, Johnson acknowledged his earlier red line against raising property taxes, but blamed his predecessors for the city’s financial predicament and said the primary alternative — layoffs — would be devastating to the city’s workforce.
Makes you wonder why politicians make promises in the first place. And if you're willing to make absurd promises, why not ever tout some aggressively fun stuff? Like making Monday the official Dollar Dog Day of Chicago? Any business that sells hot dogs must sell a $1 hot dog on Mondays to the public. I wouldn't force every dog be priced to $1 but simply mandate that every dog vendor should have an option for $1. And that's just a starting point.
I'm also increasing the cost of the Red Line 100% to mitigate riff raff but then simultaneously cutting costs on all Shedd Aquarium admissions to drive foot traffic in an otherwise-disenfranchised generation.
Another thing: I'd hire more police officers to do police work where necessary. Maybe not the most fun promise but a lot of people would like to see that happen.
Some other fun ideas:
- De-regulate ice cream vendorship, especially push carts.
- Publicly execute Jerry Reinsdorf (if we get enough votes)
- I will fine the Cubs $10M per game finished under .500 and then donate that money directly back to a Bears tailgate 501(c)(3) I just cooked up. If Tom Ricketts continue to makes the city suffer in the summer then he's paying for the party in November
- I'll bring Old Style back. I don't give a fuck.
- Pizza places can only sell a deep or a thin crust, but not both without signing a contract with RC Cola for exclusive distribution rights (big opportunity for campaign kickbacks)
- Bud Light will always cost you double the price of a Miller Lite
- I will introduce a White Hen redevelopment program that puts a Hen within walking distance of every major intersection on both the North and South sides of the city. This means nothing to outsiders and that's on purpose.
- Prison time not to exceed 1-year for guys that invite Chicago 6's onto a boat they don't even own
- Navy Pier fireworks every night, 365 a year with no exceptions
- All Chicago sports go back to WGN and when there's overlap, we do a WGN redzone double or triple broadcast as necessary
- Prep Bowl replaces the IHSA state championship in declaring the preeminent Chicago high school football team
- Legalize in-ground swimming pools
- Legalize wooden street-facing fences in most neighborhoods north of Chicago avenue and east of Pulaski
- Big lady tax credit for all the big ladies out there that file as Head of Household
- Alderman Gladiator Games where you essentially make Alderman compete to the death against distressed citizens, but you give the Alderman an advantage with weaponry. Or something that makes it a little more exotic than just your traditional 1 on 1 fare.
- More water taxis
And that's just getting started. Whether any of these resonate with voters is insignificant to the broader point of making positive campaign promises. That's the starting point if we're ever going to climb out of Rebuild Mode and win this division again.