The Best Athlete You Will See This Week

Here are 2 things I do NOT know...

1. You.
2. And what sports you may or may not be watching this weekend.

Here's 1 thing I do know...

1. Whether it be football (college or NFL), NASCAR, darts, hockey, baseball, UFC, boxing, horse racing, or chess you will not witness a better athlete than this motherfucker right here…

This guy reminds me of Brad Pitt in Troy... And I assume you have 2 minutes to watch Achilles vs Boagrius for the millionth time…

I did the bare minimum of digging on this, and it seems the "sport" being played here is Kabaddi. I didn't read the rules, but it looks like the WWE and Dana's Slap Fight League got together and miraculously had a baby, even though they only engaged in (extremely rough) anal sex.

I know there are mouth-breathers out there who will feel compelled to comment on the possibly-scripted nature of this Middle Eastern pastime, but I will not listen to any such slander from anyone EXCEPT the Wonton Don.

Barring that, I will go to my grave believing this nameless man in the Chicago Bulls colors is one of the greatest athletes who has ever lived.

By the way… This chick (and her well-placed towel) is a close second…

That towel placement reminds me of the time my English bulldog ate a lace doily I bought in Ireland, and a day later, I had to slowly pull 14 inches of shit-moistened lace out of her ass… Simpler times.

 Take a report.

-Large