13 Quarterbacks Who Would Be Better For The Miami Dolphins Than Skylar Thompson

We all saw Tua leave the game last Thursday night with a concussion after being on the receiving end of a hit from Damar "Ham Train" Hamlin. What a world. Who knows how long Tua will be out. Who knows if he will or won't play again this year, or ever. Everybody has their own opinion on what he should do, but in the end it will be up to him and the Dolphins.

As of now, the Miami Dolphins starting quarterback in Skylar Thompson. I think we can all agree that Skylar Thompson has not once been the answer to any question ever. If Tua can't return this season, and the Dolphins roll with Skylar Thompson, they might as well just be punting until 2025. They have too much talent on their roster to simply roll over and die. There are better options out there. If Tua isn't going to play again, they need to get somebody. 

When I looked at the list of available free agent quarterbacks, it was simply too depressing for me to blog with a straight face. The current list of free agent quarterbacks is one of the saddest lists I've ever laid eyes on. Perhaps I'm leaving somebody out, but the list I'm looking at, aside from Ryan Tannehill (who I actually think is realistic and will get to later in this blog), features the like of Trevor Siemian, Kellen Mond, Max Duggan, Nate Sudfeld, Desmond Ridder, P.J. Walker, and C.J. Beathard. Yikes. Big yikes. There's not a quarterback on that list (aside from Tannehill) who would make the rest of this season worth watching as a Dolphins fan. Aside from the 49ers, (and maybe the Packers based on how they just won a game with Malik Willis) I don't think there's any team in the NFL who could finish over .500 with any of those QB's. 

Luckily for the Dolphins, I've carefully crafted a list of other available quarterbacks. From what Frank The Tank has told me about Dolphins GM Chris Grier, I think I might be just equally as equipped to select their next QB as he is. Some of these options are realistic. Some of them are jokes. Some of them are already backups elsewhere. Some of them are Colin Kaepernick. But honestly, after perusing that list of current non-retired free agent QB's, I'm not entirely sure that some of these joke guys aren't a better options.

Tom Brady

Tom Brady has already come out and made it abundantly clear that he will not be leaving the broadcasting booth. The booth where they are paying him $375 million over 10-years to perform well below average. He claims he won't come out of retirement to help his hometown Miami Dolphins make a playoff run. But I think that's only because it's too early in the season. Had the Dolphins been 10-2 when Tua went down with one of his patented stiff finger concussions, this might be a different story. Of course Tom Brady doesn't want to play 15 regular season games. But if he could step into a team that was already guaranteed a playoff spot, play a few games to get his sea legs back underneath him, then go into the playoffs surrounded by some of the best weapons in all of football… Then who knows. 

Still a massive longshot. I'd still but my future house that it won't happen. But I'm just spit balling here. And there's plenty of Dolphins + Tom Brady photoshops available online, so I at least have to list him. 

We'll put Tom Brady on the backburner for now. But if one of these other quarterbacks can get the Dolphins into a position to make the playoffs… and Tom Brady continues embarrassing himself in the booth… then maybe… just maybe… the Dolphins would be able to convince 47-year old Tom Brady to strap on the pads just one more time. Crazier things have happened in football (maybe).

Ryan Tannehill

Tom Hauck. Getty Images.

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This is actually a real, sensible possibility. Ryan Tannehill is currently a free agent. He's played for the Miami Dolphins before. And most importantly, he's not Skylar Thompson. I'm honestly surprised the Dolphins haven't made this move already. Again, if they truly plan to play out the rest of the season with Skylar Thompson at quarterback, they're just quitting on the season. I refuse to believe they'll do that. I personally have a better chance of leading the Dolphins to the playoffs than Skylar Thompson.

John Rich (Me)

I'm not a great quarterback. I'm not a good quarterback either. I'm not a quarterback at all. In fact, my right shoulder is so shot that I can barely throw a ball in from from left field in beer league softball. But I've figured out a way where if I hold the ball far away from my body, and swing my arm like a whip, I'm able to send the ball in the general direction of where I want it to go. I've never really tried that method with a football, but I bet if I dedicated a few weeks to the cause I can figure it out.

Teddy Bridgewater

Eric Canha. Shutterstock Images.

I know he's retired, and currently coaching a high school football team somewhere in Miami. But retiring from the NFL means nothing nowadays. Quite literally nothing. It's almost more rare for a quarterback to not come out of retirement at least once than for a quarterback to retire and stick by their word. Teddy Two Gloves would be a great spark for the Dolphins. He's already living down there. At minimum he knows how to not lose games. Remember that one time he inexplicably rattled off 5 straight wins with the Saints? Who's to say he can't do that with the Dolphins. If he's still healthy, and in halfway decent shape, and hasn't put on a quick 60-pounds since retiring, then maybe Teddy could work out.

Nathan Rourke

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Noted ball-knower Liam Blutman of Barstool Chicago/red hair fame has assured me that there's a guy named Nathan Rourke who is rotting away in the CFL while "stinky" quarterbacks such as Skylar Thompson and Daniel Jones are for some reason getting multiple shots. I can't tell you based on experience if he's actually any better than Skylar Thompson. But I can tell you he would inspire more hope. We already know what Skyler Thompson is. If I were a Dolphins fan, I'd rather have some fresh blood in there.

Joe Flacco

As a Colts fan, I hate to put Cool Joe on this list. Anthony Richardson is liable to take a hit and have his entire right arm + head detach from his body and go flying into the stands any game now. But maybe they could get some much needed help in the run game for him. I don't know what a 39-year old Joe Flacco can fetch you on the open market nowadays, but who wouldn't want to see Joe Flacco play meaningful, elite football once again in the year 2024.

Jimmy Garoppolo

Nobody would fit better in South Beach than Jimmy G. At least based on looks. He looks like a Miami guy. And he has has an affinity for dating porn stars. There are porn stars in Miami. He's also 57-24 in his NFL career. A shockingly impressive record considering his skill level. He's clearly used to playing with talent around him that far exceeds his own. At minimum, I think Jimmy G can get the Dolphins to 8 wins. If they catch a couple lucky breaks, maybe they're a playoff team. 

Chad Kelly

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Considering the Miami Dolphins gainfully employ Tyreek Hill, I think it's safe to say they aren't especially concerned about character issues. Chad Kelly is only 1 year removed from throwing over 4,000 yards en route to winning the CFL's 2023 Most Outstanding Player. Yes, immediately following that season he was slapped with a 9-game suspension for sexually harassing a strength & conditioning coach. But he served his time. If the ever so prestigious Canadian Football League is willing to give him another shot, then why can't the NFL?

Robert Griffin III

Robert Griffin III still considers himself a viable free agent quarterback. He said it himself just last year (I can't find the fucking video but I know for a fact he went on ESPN last year and threw his name in there on a list of available QB's when someone got hurt). It's hard to imagine he has much left to give. But again… remember who were comparing him to.  I can't stress enough how much any living breathing human inspires more hope at QB than Skylar Thompson. And most importantly, RGIII is currently jobless. ESPN kicked his ass to the curb just the other week. Why not let RGIII get back there for the Dolphins and break his leg in a new place every snap like in that one playoff game for Washington his rookie season.

Johnny Manziel

He's probably floating around Miami somewhere. Grab him off the street. Sign him for a bag a cocaine and see if he's got any magic left.

Jameis Winston

I highly, highly doubt the Browns would trade him at this point. If there's ever a quarterback who needs a reliable-ish backup behind him it's Deshaun Watson. Any time now Deshaun could trip and fall into a rape and the Browns would need Jameis immediately. But I am DYING to see Jameis get at least one more real chance in his career to lead a legitimate team. Not that he hasn't had a chance before. But he's been so fucking close to a starting job the last few years, but it just never quite happens. He's the most fun quarterback in the league. Jameis Winston to the Dolphins would undeniably make this season a few notches more fun.

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Zach Wilson

I just want to see a world where Sam Darnold and Zach Wilson are playing meaningful football while the New York Jets continue to stink. I honestly think the Jets will be fine, and that Aaron Rodgers will figure it out. But imagine Zach Wilson playing in the same division as the Jets? Imagine Zach Wilson beating Aaron Rodgers at MetLife? What a delightful weekend of football that would be

Colin Kaepernick

John G Mabanglo. Shutterstock Images.

The GOAT of "mAyBe tHeY sHouLd siGn hIm" jokes. Maybe Colin Kaepernick can bring America together. Maybe he can help us come to a compromise. Donald Trump can be President if Colin Kaepernick gets to start in the NFL again. Everybody wins. Except for the Mindful Jock. Sorry Mindful Jock. I know you were hoping the Steelers would scoop him up to save the offense this year. But Kap is needed elsewhere.

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(Or I suppose they can go with Tyler Huntley who was literally a Pro Bowler that they signed earlier today… but that's not as nearly as much fun)