The New York Giants Make NFL History: Score 3+ Touchdowns, Allow None on Defense, and Still Lose

If there's one tweet that perfectly sums up the state of the New York Football Giants, this is it. The more I think about it, the clearer it becomes: the Giants have been historically bad. It's almost impressive how consistently underwhelming they’ve been. And while we’re at it, let’s not ignore the Washington Commanders, who might just be the scummiest team in the NFL. Imagine winning a game by kicking seven field goals—yes, seven—against an opponent whose kicker got injured during warmups. That’s an all-time scumbag move.

But back to the Giants. I have a theory that might explain their downfall. Brian Daboll’s physical transformation might be the root of the problem. Think about it: he went from being fat and bald to skinny and bald, and suddenly the Giants can’t seem to get anything right. There’s something about the fat-and-bald coach combo that just works in this league. Look around—coaches who are both overweight and bald tend to fare better than their slim, hairless counterparts. It’s like a weird football karma. You can’t have it all; either keep the weight and win games or lose it and lose everything else.

Jokes aside, this Giants team is a complete disaster. Even when Daniel Jones doesn’t play like the $160 million mistake he’s shaping up to be, the team still can’t manage to beat an opponent that didn’t even score a touchdown. It’s almost impressive how they find new ways to lose every week. And the worst part is, it's not going to get any easier for them. Their upcoming schedule is brutal: Dallas, at Seattle, Cincinnati, and Philadelphia. Realistically, the Giants could very well start the season 0-6.

But here’s the silver lining: being that terrible might not be the worst thing in the world. If they end up 0-6, they’ll be well on their way to securing a top-five pick in next year’s draft. At least then, they’d have a legitimate shot at moving on from one of the worst quarterbacks in the league. Jones has had his moments, sure, but paying him $160 million was a colossal mistake. There are very few players who can carry a franchise on their backs, and Jones has proven time and again that he’s not one of them.