Dumping Them Out: NFL vs College Football

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I've completely lost track of where I was in my GIF rotation. I have this giant folder of Boob GIF's, and I try to use new one's every week. But I often fuck up and use the same one's too close together. I've been jumping around way too much lately. So starting now, I'm starting back from the top.

I'm writing this blog as I watch the Colts play a very pathetic first half of football. If there's one thing I don't love about working at Barstool Sports, it's feeling like I have to watch football. Especially the Colts. I've been a Colts fan my whole life. More than a casual fan, but not much more. My whole life, my strategy for watching sports is, "If the game is starting to make me angry, I stop watching."

It's a strategy that's proved effective for me. Sports are meant to be entertainment. If I'm not being entertained, then why would I watch? I could care less if that means I'm not a "true fan". I've met a lot of true fans in my life, and half of them a miserable a majority of the time their watching sports. But now I feel like the guy in Clockwork Orange with his eyes held open by claws being forced to watch Anthony Richardson float passes up the Packers secondary, and the Colts run defense refuse to play run defense and let up roughly 25 yards per carry despite the fact that the Packers have a QB who's incapable of throwing. 

Ok that's not a real complaint. I can't complain about feeling like I have to watch football. But I'm mad about the Colts, and instead of just turning the game off and pretending it's not happening.

Also those first three paragraphs of mostly an attempt to reverse jynx the Colts into making a comeback. Hopefully by the time I'm finished the Colts will have the lead and I'll look like a big ol' idiot. Well… nobody is actually going to be reading this anyways. You're just here for the GIFs. But even if they do comeback I won't change this. Because I'm a man of honor. And because I'm lazy. And because again… nobody is reading these words anyways. But trust me. It's not going to work. 

And this is why I like college football more than the NFL. The NFL is too serious. It's too high stakes. In college football, I can cheer for my 2 mediocre teams, the Bowling Green Falcons and the Indiana Hoosiers. If they're ever great (which Indiana actually might be this year), then it's all gravy. If they suck, I'm never going to lose sleep over it. There's so many layers to college football too. So many games that are just fun to watch and nothing more. Pitt vs West Virginia yesterday for example. South Carolina vs LSU. Missouri vs Boston College. I watched Eastern Michigan vs Jacksonville State yesterday. It went into 2OT's. It was a delight. Did you know Jacksonville State isn't even in Florida? It's a different Jacksonville entirely. It's in Jacksonville, Alabama. Who knew? God damn it I miss yesterday. 

Back to the NFL. I know hindsight is 20/20 and all, but how on earth did NFL scouts in 2023 determine that Bryce Young was the clear #1 pick. He is god awful. It'd be one thing if he was a 6'4" 245-pound specimen like Anthony Richardson. Anthony Richardson very well might end up being a bust in his own right, but at least he looks the part. He's got a cannon for an arm. He appears to be an NFL quarterback. I can understand how scouts might be fooled by him. I can understand how they were fooled by a guy like JaMarcus Russell. But when you look at Bryce Young he looks like a fucking middle schooler. On what planet was this the best rookie available in 2023?

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Fingers crossed that I look like an asshole for complaining about the Colts by the time you're not reading this. But it's not looking great. You hear a lot about quarterbacks who throw a "catchable ball". I'm afraid Anthony Richardson is one of the few quarterbacks who throws a "non-catchable ball". Even the passes his receivers catch, they look like they're fighting a cat as they do it.

Also if you're reading this, and the Colts have comeback and won, that means Malik Willis somehow managed to lose this game. If that's the case, he should never be allowed on a football field again.

And and and… just a reminder. No matter what happens to any NFL team this week. No matter if you're 2-0, 1-1, 0-2, 0-1-1, or 1-0-1, keep in mind that the week following Week 2 of the NFL season is the biggest overreaction week in all of sports. All week long, will make definitive statements about teams as if they know exactly what they're going to be this season. By Week 11, we're going to look back on Week 2 and laugh because we didn't know shit. Players will get hurt. New players will emerge. Teams will go on runs of wins. Teams will go on runs of losses. Somebody this week will tell you that the New Orleans Saints are a legitimate threat to win the Super Bowl. Don't take the bait.