Eating Dog Shit Is Not That Hard @321Nole
Some asshole Florida State fan said he would eat dog shit if FSU lost to Boston College. Said he would eat it out of a red solo cup with a spoon. Before the game even ended, and Boston College was running away with it, while D.J. Uagalelei proved to be one of the worst QB's in all of college football, the dog shit Florida State fan deleted his Twitter. I can't blame the guy. The dude had 1000 followers. Why the fuck would he eat dog shit when he could just log off and never be heard from again? He's probably already got another FSU burner account, doing the exact same thing he was doing before the dog shit eating debacle. As much as Jack Mack can try to force his hand, it's still remarkably easy to just shut your phone off and ignore the whole situation.
At the end of last season, I said I would cut off my head if Michigan won the National Championship. I tweeted it right after they beat Ohio State. Even after Michigan beat OSU, I thought they were a dog shit (pun intended) football team. They would barely even let their QB throw the football. I thought there was no chance in hell they would stand a chance against an SEC school. But holy dog shit was I wrong. Maybe the most wrong I've ever been. Michigan won the National Championship, and I had to cut off my head.
Obviously I wasn't going to do that. Suicide is illegal. I had planned to just kick the can down the road for the rest of my life until maybe I was on my death bed and could convince a doctor to behead me for a joke that maybe 20 people would still remember. But then the Florida State guy didn't eat dog shit. And Ohio's Tate threw out a scenario on The Rundown today. "If John Rich eats dog shit for @321nole, is he exonerated from the beheading."
So fuck it.
Advertisement
Not gonna lie, that probably wasn't my best idea. I really did not have to do that. Eating a bite of shit (albeit very small and remarkably easy to do) for internet clout as a 32-year old man makes you look in the mirror and reconsider some things. But honestly, I didn't even think much of it. I knew it'd be gross. But I saw it as a mind over matter thing. If you just close your eyes and gut a tiny bit of it it's over in half a second. There's a brief gag, but chase it down with a fresh High Noon, then chug some water, then chug some mouthwash and brush your teeth 10 times over the next couple of hours, then you're back to normal. The whole thing was less than 30 minutes of my life. Also, PFT did the same thing with horse shit. I thought, "PFT is a respectable guy. If he can do it and continue living his life, I'm sure I can too."
I'm a little worried I might come home from work today and my fiancee will have left me. I'm a little scared to hear from my family. Several people in my replies are genuinely disgusted. But I think I have fended off the calls for my beheading. I also have a few people telling me I'm going to die. I'm a little worried about that. I know eating dog shit isn't good for you. But I've also seen my dog eat his shit 100 times and he seems to be ok. Plus, people eat ass all the time and seem to survive. I didn't throw up, but I did chug a half bottle of Miralax to get it out of my system ASAP. No idea if that helps or not.
Anyways.. in conclusion. @321Nole is a large coward. Sometimes you just have to eat shit on the internet. Even when you could have done literally nothing and still been perfectly fine. In the end, I felt too guilty about not cutting off my head. I had to do something. Thank you all for the support.
Advertisement
Advertisement