Stats You DON'T Want To Hear About Your Life When You Die
My favorite voicemail from this week on KFC Radio threw in a twist on the age-old question of what stats you would like to hear about your life at the gates to heaven. This person switched things up and asked which stats you would NOT want to hear at the steps of the pearly gates. KFC brought out a GREAT one with not wanting to hear the amount of money you’ve spent on food delivery fees throughout your life.
There’s definitely a lot of depressing stats about my life that I’d rather bury in a deep, deep hole than have to hear about, but the leader in the clubhouse is definitely the amount of time I spent in my bedroom calling into a radio show in high school number of things I just barely missed out on. Whether it be getting hired at a job, losing a 50/50 raffle at a game, or just missing out on getting an award of some sort. I don't need to spend my first moments on the other side getting told how often I was second best.
Another dicey one would be requesting a list of all of the girls who liked you throughout your life. There’s no way in which hearing about this list ends well. On one end of the spectrum you could get given a laundry list of girls that you never thought you had a spec of a chance with, but on the depressing end of the spectrum you’re handed a sticky note with less than five names on it. As far as I’m concerned I don’t want to hear about either of these possibilities. Even if you’re on the laundry list side of things all that does is fill you with regret for all of the possibilities that you missed out on. That is unless knocking boots is permitted in heaven.
With all of this AI stuff that’s popping up now I think at some point we will end up having stats for a lot of this stuff. Someday in the near future people will be sharing jerkoff stats like it’s a Spotify Wrapped.
As for stats I’d most want to hear? I’d love to know the worst physical pain I’ve ever been in and the one meal I enjoyed eating the most throughout life. Bonus points for this whole heaven thing if they have that meal waiting for me.
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