Another Day in Paradise: Day 2 of the Purple Hat Road Trip
(This blog is by Intern Jakob, documenting my journey across the country with Chris Klemmer in his pursuit of finding purple hats for the YAK)
I opened my eyes in Amarillo, Texas, and started my morning early with coffee and donuts at the Donut Stop, as recommended by Jeff D Lowe. I did see a blue hat there that was possibly purple and sent a pic to Klemmer. Not purple. (Don't forget, I am colorblind.)
By 9 am, we checked out and resumed the hunt. Texas put up a fight right away. We struck out at a Home Depot by our hotel and then a Walmart Supercenter. Klemmer’s self-admitted morning crankiness started to show, and vibes to start the day were teetering on the way to our second Walmart which was also a bust. Then the Amigos supermarket was a bust, then Lowe’s, and a third Walmart Supercenter. The third Walmart did have the first purple of the day, but it was a guy wearing a purple reign Prince shirt (and a blue Dodgers hat, pain).
Texas was living up to its whole mantra of “don’t fuck with me.” The state (or at least Amarillo) clearly wasn’t rocking with purple. I tried my best to keep the vibes high, telling Klemmer that we will find our hat and that this is still the journey of a lifetime. He replied, “if this is the journey of a lifetime, I’m gonna hang myself in the hotel closet.”
Things were looking bleak. We made an executive decision to abandon Amarillo and make our way south to Canyon, and morale was the lowest of the trip so far. Before we got out of Amarillo though, we passed by one last supermarket. Klemmer was hesitant to stop but I figured it was easy money to look up and down the aisles real quick.
I never expected this though.
After making our approach, the lady, named Bobbi, was very very skeptical. She said she’d take the deal, but we had to wait until she was done shopping and got to her car.
Bobbi called up a friend and told them about the lunatics that just dropped in on her Tuesday morning grocery run. At the register, she told the store employees about the upcoming transaction and asked one of the baggers to accompany her to the car to make sure it was the real deal. She even took a picture of us (we smiled and waved) for security purposes. One cashier knew about barstool though, and she said she “loved the videos.” I think that calmed Bobbi’s nerves.
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I helped put groceries in Bobbi’s trunk while she swapped out hats, and then it was time for business
Klemmer and I didn’t expect to still be hunting in Texas this late, but we hit the road to OKC just after noon with our heads held high.
On the road to Oklahoma, we once again listened to the Kirk Minihane show, but for yapping today we dipped into our ancestral history. He asked if I thought some of my distant relatives (Patrick Henry, some guy who rode in Washington’s boat on the Delaware, and the guy who married Pocahontas and John Rolf) would be proud of my accomplishments today. We both agreed that they’d probably be confused. We also jammed out to some 70s music, and I am ready to officially say on the record that Klemmer has good music taste.
Oklahoma City did not give us the most friendly welcome upon our arrival. We tried a mall, a Walmart Supercenter, and an REI. Nada purple hat nowhere. Planning our next move, we were split. Klemmer was thinking we should head to the River Walk. I was thinking we go the opposite direction to another mall that was right next to a Lowe’s and a Home Depot. I was biased because it was 100 degrees outside. I said I didn’t know if people would congregate in large groups in this type of heat. Klemmer said, “I think you’re just a pussy.” Which is correct. Unfortunately I am a sweaty guy.
We tried the new mall, a Target, and another Walmart. 50 Shades of Amarillo. We cut our losses for the night, checked into a hotel, and journeyed on foot in downtown Oklahoma City for one last look or at least a white flag dinner.
The latter ended up taking place. At a bourbon street themed restaurant on the riverwalk, me and Klemmer were chopping it up about relationships, the meaning of life, etc. when he bolted up out of his chair, pointed at my phone, and frantically blurted “NOW! NOW! NOW!”
I jumped into action, turned and saw a man in a bass pro shop hat, perhaps blue but I trusted Klemmer’s judgment, for he is not colorblind.
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The vibes of dinner took a turn, and I slurped down my cajun mac with alligator (yes I cannibalize my own kind for strength) with a new lease on life. Wednesday morning we bolt straight for Wichita, Kansas, to continue the quest.
W of the Day: Nearing the Texas-Oklahoma border, Klemmer realized we were almost empty, and we had to make an almost emergency pitstop in Shamrock, Texas, along Route 66. There was a crazy looking retro gas station that I thought looked too familiar, and I did some googling. I love Cars.
L of the Day: One of my hopes for the trip was to buy a cowboy hat in Texas. I could not make that wish come true.
Until tomorrow,
Jakob