NEWS FLASH- Gordon Ramsay Is A Fraud

John Lamparski. Getty Images.

(Van Halen's "Jump" playing in the background)

I’ve written about it before, but as a reminder, I just started doing some food content on social media in the form of local restaurant recommendations and the occasional 'Sandwich of the Month'...

I know, I know, I know… “We need more food reviews like we need another hole in our collective ass.”… But I enjoy doing it, AND, for some reason, it gets clicks. 

Here’s my point: I never set out to “review” dishes. Instead, I want to recommend dishes that I know are worthwhile. 

As much as Dave may enjoy making people’s lives more profitable by grading pizza, there are also a handful of subpar mom & pop shops that are fucking miserable that “The Pizza Guy” gave them a 5.2 simply because he showed up on an “off day”... I could never do that. 

I know Sarge’s brisket is very good, so I went there…

I know Fiore’s roast beef is ELITE, so I went there…

I enjoy the drunken liverwurst at McSorley’s, so I went there… 

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Along with a dozen more places, and hopefully, the list of quality places will continue to grow.

Last week, I tried a place with my family in hopes that it might someday make an appearance on that list of quality places, but I was sorely mistaken because Gordon Ramsay's Fish & Chips is fucking disgusting.

Now, you might say to yourself- "Large… If you 'claim' to be a foodie and also 'claim' to be from New York, then why would you ever expect quality from a celebrity chef's restaurant and/or expect anything nice to come out of New York's Times Square?"

Both are valid questions, and I have answers… First off, Times Square may not be the end of the Earth, but it is very close, and yet there are some surprisingly passable places to dine on the outskirts of all the filth and madness. And it sounds naive, but I was hoping this fish & chips place was among those exceptions. 

Secondly, I assumed a man like Gordon, who has made a VERY comfortable living harshly judging other peoples' cuisines, would be smart enough to only put his name on bulletproof spots to dine.

I was wrong on both parts.

Times Square is (still) a fucking dump.

And Ramsay is a hypocritical fraud.

Again, I am not a guy who would normally waste my time writing about experiences that I'd never want anyone else to share. But this guy has convinced MILLIONS of people (including my stupid kids) that he is the harbinger of quality, when, in reality, he's pushing the same crap that you would find in an inner-city high school cafeteria.

And I know this because I went to an inner-city high school that served an arguably better version of fish & chips every Friday.

Here are the specifics…

- The place is FILTHY… Walls splattered with condiments, garbage cans overflowing, and, even though the bathroom had a security code, the inside looked like it was the setting of an unsuccessful medieval amputation.

- The food is either mediocre or inedible… It's a limited menu (which I normally like) consisting of fried fish, shrimp, lobster, or chicken alongside chips, and since I had brought a larger group (8 people), we ordered one of everything. The chips were fine, the fish was greasy, but the chicken was rancid. And by "rancid" I mean once you peeled away the breading, the grayish meat within smelled like a hooker's taint (or so I've heard)… We immediately threw the chicken away for fear that the disease harbored within might become airborne.

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- The service was subpar… I am not looking to get anyone fired, so I won't mention specifics, but I will say this- If you're gonna be that fucking cocky when taking peoples' orders, you may want to get at least the majority of them correct. Fucking morons.

Perhaps his other restaurants are wonderful, or maybe the fish & chip locations in Orlando, DC, and Vegas are a lot better, but I will never know. I usually give restaurants a second chance, but this pompous asshole gets only one shot.

If you can't make an edible piece of fried chicken or provide a bathroom that doesn't look like that one scene from Trainspotting, then I'll be damned if I trust you making my 38-ounce Tomahawk for the low-low price of $175.

If you've had a different experience in some of his other spots, feel free to share in the comments and I'll make sure to ignore them.

I'd rather order trashcan nachos from Guy…

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Take a report.

-Large